Somethin' In My Head...

I don't get it and I can't even figure out why you've been treating me the most obnoxious and cheapest most hurting and degrading way you could?I wanna stay with you and i don't wanna lose you because you're my true love, you're the father of my children and i wanna grow old with you...But you're the CAN'T-MAKE-UP-MY-MIND-ABOUT-WHICH-ONE-I-REALLY-WANT-TO-TAKE-WITH-ME-SO-I'M-TAKING-BOTH-OF-YOU-INSTEAD-KIND OF GUY!well that was what i see..i wonder what's on other's mind about you.. getting HIGH filling up your head with metamphetamines?? tell me why it's so important for you to be with your damn sucker and user friends instead of going straight back home and be with your kids at least...even if not for me, or so you say.. why do I give a damn bout these things and not exactly ABOUT ME!!!I wish i have the power to read minds.. so i would know how scatterbrained are you thinking of another darning reasons and alibis to tell me though you know you can't fool me right now.. or perhaps that of your damn disciples to get everything done for you,instead?.. sigh.So it isn't convenient for you any more?What about how things are from my perspective??Damn, everybody's right...if only i knew how stupid i am to let you go this way or that way or just freak out and drool on another one without even stopping you!You know that song that goes, "If love is blind...'cause i can't see myself not in love with you!" For now, why don't you do your thing as I do mine..Let's pretend some things NEVER HAPPENED..Let's pretend some tears never got shed...Let's pretend some more...that's all we can do...oh,well at least that's all i can do..since everything between us was hopeless as it is...anyway i've been pretending all my breathing seconds with you that i think i'm almost believing it myself.I thought i've learned that from you,right?You've been doing that your whole life you're so good at it already.Think you're the smartest,the cassanova,the one guy that girls are after, the one person i can't live without for the rest of my life...that i can't beat you nor suppress you, that i would always do everything and give you anything that you want...that i could be your pedestal to lean on for the rest of your life while you go hunting for other glorifying bitches to adore your thingy?!I cant exactly decide if they're lucky to have you or if they're as unfortunate as i am...With all the things that you do... not just to me but to yourself and to others...This is so damnably exhausting...you are so much draining...Ranting about you anywhere or anyhow... hoping that the message would get through (though i know it never will...).It's kinda pestering and frustrating on my part...i didn't or i wasn't able to at least help you fix your life or at least upgrade you to a better person...darn!you affected me instead and drained me instead...and singlehandedly flushed me out of my own sytem instead...and wasted my whole damn life instead...and still happy for it?I dunno whether i'm a martyrfreak or a stupid doormat or a hand-me down absorber or something or just plain naive and masochistic about things...i only knew what's in my heart and so i followed everything it says to me thus splurging me out of the weirdest life one could ever imagine...oh,what the heck...i still have these beautiful kids to hold my sanity together...for me to remain lucid in your wacky world of make-believe...i dunno...i love 'em as much as i love you or i have loved you before..