Boyce Avenue-Super love it!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

To all my friends...


Hey,guys...i know im not a100% angel though at times i've tried to be a 100% angel...i know i've been a bitch in my own way because i have been bitching you out and pissed you guys,off at times... Yet now, im gonna leave this place to get a life... to mend my broken wings and nurse my wounded heart...to start picking up and try to piece back all the shattered parts of my smashed up life...but don't you guys worry because you know how much i loved you all...Sus,lam nyo nman na nahulog na ang puso q sa inyong lhat...kya nga im writing this message pra mlaman nyo na MAMIMISS KO PO TALAGA KAYO LAHAT!Naiiyak na nga aq...oh well,so much for that...i'm just gonna do some make-over sa already losyang na life ko...pagka-full charge na po aq...im gonna be back with vengeance...harharhar...and dont you worry guys ksi im gonna keep in touch with you all if possible...im only doing this to try to find my old self again...ung dting peach...ung mabait,goody-two-shoed,straight-laced at DSWD ka-giving na peach...ung dting peach na khit na inaapi na d lmalaban...ung hehehe...iyak lng ang galit...pg ok na po aq at nktpos na po aq ng studies q 4 my kids...im gonna be back...at hahanapin q kaung lhat...at rarampa tau...wahihihihi!So so long mga friends q...im gonna miss you,all...I love you,all... ska e2 pla...kc pasko na...giving dw pg pasko...pka pwede na rn aq mkahingi ng testi...wehehehe...ska ung mga thoughtful...pwede rng in kind...or in cash...(JOKE!)di bsta 2mawag lng po kau sa # sa ibaba,ok na un:
house # 1(most likely permanent residence)
(054)446-6503 (sa bayantel subscriber...local call lng po ito)
house # 2 (mom's hideaway...pgminsan-minsan)
(054)721-4554 (digitel po ito kya malamang...long distance at digikard ang ktapat)
sa mobile q po:(dnt wori d aq mgppalit ng # 4u ol!)(
0926)311-7775 (ung magsishare-a-load very much welcome rn po...weeeeee!)
oh, ayan pg may nkalimot...tche!tampo na aq dun...bhala xha kng cno man mkalimot...d q na luv...wehehehe!JOKE lng!)Oh paano...mtatagalan po aq na di mkkpgfwendstr at gnbound...txt-txt na lng...bhira na aq nyan mkkpg-online!)GodBless at Joyeaux Noel sa inyo lhat...!)
Lovemuch,
Peaches

Friday, December 17, 2004

This is the Explanation:

In our relationship...a fairytale turned rotten and all...i dedicate these poems...(12/15/99 -12/15/04)to close our long time turbulent arguments and painful fight...to bury the already dead relationship which died long before i realized it was already a platonic one...Now this might be unread by you but still i'll gamble right before i leave a week from now...if ever i have caused a lot of pain as much as you have caused me...i really am so sorry and i regretted all of it...and for all that we had...for all that has been and for all that shouldnt be...i'm sorry and i thank you if there's anything to be thankful about...i'm sure gonna miss you....what is five years,anyway?but still i have to pick up the pieces of my already ruined and smashed up life....hoping i could mend it all again and praying that time and a new place would heal the wounds our relationship has caused if not totally erase the scars my foolish love for you has made me pay a very expensive price...

-right here i'll remain still,
Peaches

Some Poems that Has Touched My Heart!(Well, I could relate...)

I'll Never Love Anyone the Way I Love You
In loving you , i have experienced
the happiness, the hurt,
the feeling of forever,
the need to be with you and love you.
It's all here inside of me.
it's you i always think about,
It's you i always miss,
and it will always be you,
because you are the one i love.
To me love means forever.
No one will ever take your place
or know me as you do.
You always know what i'm thinking
and what i'm feeling deep down.
I'll never love anyone
the way i love you...
- Geralynne Dodgen
Seems like after all we've been through
We would have learned by now
never to fight for who gets the last word
It doesn't matter anyhow
But around and around we go in circles
Trying to work things through
And sometimes it feels like miles between us...
But i love you so much that in spite of the struggle
I keep coming back to you
- Beth Nielsen Chapman and Bill Lloyd,
(from the song, "I Keep Coming Back to You")
I'm Sorry for the Times When I Get Angry
I'm sorry for those times
when i'm not who i should be,
when i grow impatient
and frustrated
because things don't work out.
I know that you, too,
have things on your mind,
and i have no right to become upset with you.
It's just hard sometimes to understand the way things go wrong,
and i wanted you to know
that i'm sorry for those times when i become harsh and angry with you.
I hope ou can understand and forgive me.
-Bethanie Jean Brevik
I Thanked You Deeply for Being the
Person Whom I Love
It seems like the more I love you
the more sensitive I become
I find myself becoming hurt too easily
and for no reason at all
Sometimes you do something completely normal
but it might not include me
and I feel so slighted
I appear cold to you
but really I am just hurt
Please bear with me during these times
and understand that I am not trying
to put pressure on you
It is just that my love for you
has made me extremely vulnerable
and though I don’t like feeling hurt so easily
love has opened up for me
a new sense of awareness
of myself and of other people
I thank you deeply for bringing out
the new depths of emotions
that I now feel
and I thank you deeply for
being the person whom all
these beautiful and intense
feelings of love
are for.

-Susan Polis Schutz
Getting Through the Hard Times
Is Part of What Love Is All About
Do you remember when we first met?
Do you remember how close we were,
and how much we loved being together?
It was as if we could conquer the world --
Just the two of us.
I wish sometimes that we could
feel that way more often,
We seem to have drifted apart,
So much has happened to us since we first met.
Our lives were simple back then;
now we have many responsibilities.
We've been through a lot of changes.
Yet one thing has never changed --
my lov for you.
Somehow everything else doesn't seem
as overwhelming as long as you're here
changing and growing with me.
So even in these times when things seem harder;
I think we can take comfort in knowing
that we'll make it with the help of
that very same love that brought us together
not so very long ago.
- Jennifer Nelson-Fenwick
It Isn't always Easy to Be in a Relationship
...but there's no place I'd rather be than in love with you
It's not always easy
to be what we want to be for one another.
Sometimes it's difficult to keep our relatinship
growing and moving in new directions,
instead of feeling too much the same,
day after day.
Sometimes we struggle for an understanding
of one another's feelings; of what it means
to be in a relationship; of how to find
some kind of fulfillment as individuals;
and how to bring ourselves together
to make one better union.
It isn't always easy.
But what matters to me
is that we're trying.
Sure we have questions.
But i can't tell you how much it means
when we search for the answers...together.
To my way of thinking, that's the second
most important thing we can do.
The first is for you to keep on
believing in me,
the way i will always
believe in you.
That's how love works.
And I do love you.
-Alin Austin
I Wish We Could
Spend More Time Together --
Just the Two of Us
The times we spend alone with each other
are so important to me,
and when we don't have those times,
there's a feeling of loneliness
that seems to touch
every part of my life.
You are the only one that
I always want to be with
and whom i never tire of.
The time we take just for us
always adds a new dimension to our love
and strengthens the closeness between us
that I treasure.
Without our special times,
my life seems like an empty shell
and my heart is a weak and lonely place.
I love being with you,
and i never want to be without
everything we share.
- Linda Sackett-Morrison
If I Sometimes
Hold On to You
Too Tightly...
It Is Only Because
I Love You So Much
If I want to take up a lot of your time,
it is because your presence
gives me so much pleasure.
if i worry about you too much,
It is my own fear
of losing the one i truly love.
If i don't want to share you
with anyone else,
it is because my heart wants
to be with only you.
If my eyes see only you,
and my heart holds room for
no one else...
It is only because I love you
so much.
-Nancy A. Prunty
Will You Meet Me Halfway?
Will you meet me halfway
on the road back to understanding
as we try to overcome the tension
and the silence?
As we recall all that we were in better days gone by.
As we try to capture all those loving feelings
that seem so distant now.
As we try once mor eto cement
the bond of our love
so fragile and so young.
As we try one more time to heal our pain
and disappointment.
I will meet you more than halfway,
if you will meet me halfway.
-Tim Connor
As Much As I Love You,
I Still Need to Be Alone Sometimes
Sometimes i just need
a little space to myself:
a little room to breathe,
a time set apart just for me.
It isn't that I don't love you,
because I do.
Sometimes I just need
to be alone for a while,
so i can recharge myself
and become a better person.
it is no reflection on you
or on our love;
it's just that some solitude
is necessary for me.
Sometimes I just need
to sit back and relax,
taking in all the things
that are happening in my world,
and sorting through
my feelings and thoughts.
Taking some time for myself
is as vital to me as breathing;
it keeps me going when stresses come.
Sometimes I just need to pull back,
to stand apart,
to focus on what is urgent.
itis at these times
that i most need you
and your understanding.
it is then that i need
a friend as well as a lover.
At these times. please know
that i still love you,
I still care,
and I want you to be happy.
it is just that I cannot
love you the right way
unless i love and take care
of myself, too.
- Donna Reames

I know I Shouldn't Be Feeling This Way But...


My head hurts so much due to lack of sleep, lack of comfort and much load of emotional stress from the person who shouldn't be causing me this much depression...i know i shouldn't be feeling this way but...hell, i love this man so much more than my life that i have tried to endure all the pain and all the torturous things he's been doing to me without any qualms at all.I have been feeling so damn sad and always on the verge of crying since December started...why, it's because he's been making it obvious how much he loathed me and how much hurt could he able to incur on my already smashed and mangled heart. No. 1: his mom and i clashed just because she's been eavesdropping me on the fone w/ my bestgurlfwend and she didn't get to like what i've been confiding to my bestbud(and take note:we're already whispering at that...gosh what a good pair of a sleeping ear) about my kids and stuffs like that...she accused me & my bestbud as 'chizmozas' yet she's the one pretending to be asleep only to hear what others has to say...in short a paranoid bitch who wanted to brag about other people's business a lot and hated to be snooped up...duh!And to think she's an educated person and a teacher at that...ano bang pakialam nya if i talked about my daughter on the fone with my bestbud...it's MY daughter and not her's!The nerve...And add to it how she shouted on the fone over my bestbud when she called me the next day?was that a proper behavior of a 50+ educated woman?another was to tell everyone who called me that i'm out of the house?and sleep beside the fone some nights in a row since she just don't want me to to use it...as if...hello!payfones exist,ok!i could have defended myself but i didn't try since she cried her act on her hubby...my father-in-law and then there goes my chance to assert my part...it went out of nowhere...he won't believe me anyway because she was her wife...i must not air my side to spare me some pain it could cause me if i didn't get to be believed...i didn't try to explain my side since my patience snapped,too and i talked back at her that same night... No. 2: On our anniversary, i called him at exactly 12am since 12:01 is Dec.15 already...he didn't answer the fone...not until my fifth call...and he went home past 3am.He woked up by 3pm and texted on my fone to his friends...(first thing on his mind:FRIENDS&GIRLS).i didn't bothered at all...then i've learned whom he's with...because right after texting,he bathed and changed into some decent outfit and went out witht he van...He went out with those boarders on the neighborhood who used to surf the net at our cafe...(huh?)and then he went home 4am the next day...what a nice way to celebrate our last anniversary...i asked himto spare this day so we could end up our relationship better...he just left me crying..and i just dunno what's on the mind of his 2 other current girlfriends to text me that very same day since they thought they wanna be friends with me because they find me nice and kind daw...aargh...i'm so confused and hurt...about Kareen...i feel sorry for her...i know i have felt hatred towards her because of what i've experienced from bhobet just because of her...but i know right now she's not the one...it's angel...a masbateƱa bitch who already knows he's a family man...who befriended me and now they are the one screwing each other...he always brings his van out just like today where he went home 4 or 5 am already...and his mom went ga-ga searching for him last night...i know i shouldn't be ranting about this stuffs but it makes my head a little lighter...you see, i have been jotting up a quasi-diary cum journal on my mobile's organizer and i've read a few of what i've told him...
it goes this way: "hey, hindi ibig sabihin kaya i asked you kahapon na sana'y magkasama tayo would be because i wanted to make habol to you and stuffs like that...What i want sana'y magkaroon ako ng last good memory with you para pagkaumalis na kami ng mga babies ko here in your hell's pit ay yun na lang ang magandang maiisip ko...Tanggap ko naman na ayaw mo na sa akin, i know, i feel and i could see how much you loathed me and how much you hated me and how much you wanted me out of your life...But for once lang sana,right from the start we never ever had celebrated our anniversary because you always have a different girl...it hurts me so much and i hated myself that i'm crying again for you because i promised myself not to cry anymore yet i still do love you...and that's what makes me suck!I feel so damn rotten...Naiiyak naman ako, masakit sakin...sana maski saktan mo na lng ako physically as how you used to do...not just like this...Para mo akong sinasaksak sa puso...I don't even know what the heck was my sin para ibigay sakin ni God ang guy na tulad mo...I've been a good straight-laced gurl all my life..if ever there had been changes in me...it only started just last year...when you paired up with my ex-bestfriend and you know it...i just don't know why grabeng pasakit ang dinadanas ko sayo...i have been so damn faithful to you,i gave you my life...my whole world revolves around you...Porke ba alam mong mahal kita at alam mong ako lang ang kayang - kaya mong ganyanin kasi sa labas ang tingin sayo santo...di nila alam na mask mo lang yun?Prke ba alam mong aalis na ako,itinutodo mo nang saktan ang kalooban ko kasi pag-alis ko wala ka ng mababastos,matatratong parang basura at masasaktan emotionally at physically na iba kasi nga your mask outside is a good, sweet, and understanding compassionate person...huh?!If only they knew the truth..sad to say you only unmasked yourself on me...why me of all the people...as far as i'm concerned and as far as we both know...i'm the straightest and a virgin whom you had gotten laid right?so why me when right from the start you know we're opposite on all things...it's so unfair for me to be your training field...i am so naive and so innocent and so straight...why me?can't you blame me if i'm feeling this much pain?You know what?Everytime you went home early morning,why is it that you need to knock and sleep beside me pa when the fact is that we've been separated since Oct31?D'you need to do that to slap on my face the naked truth that you went home near daybreak because you don't want me anymore?then, shouldn't you be at the 3rd floor afterall?So that you wouldn't have to use me...at least it will diminish mypains and sufferings...Or do you intentiously do that because it satisfies you and it makes you happy everytime you hurt my feelings?Please don't mess with me,please why don't you just leave me alone...i have too much pain that i could bear...everytime you talked to me or had your fake concerns on me you only intensifies the pain i'm feeling?Why? Aren't you contented enough on the pain you've been giving me?Wasn't all these years of torture enough?Why? What am i doing to you?I ain't doing anything on you, for God's sake..." - and for all these messages...i only got laughed and mocked at...i can't sleep and i can't eat as well...i can't even function well...worst i don't have an outlet since i'm not a night person who went out at night...i don't drink or smoke...i can't scream out my anger...i only have to hide if i wanted to cry...damn this feelings darn...i get to change from a well-mannered and polished person to a dull and vulgar one just because i'm so darn imploding...i feel like a manic bipolar junkie...i hate myself...i don't even wanna look at the mirror because i just don't know who i am now...i'm not me anymore and it's breaking my heart...people really change regarding their experience...now i do believe it...i wonder if i could piece myself back when i left this place...yeah, my heart might heal but the scars would remain there...he caused me a lot of pain,he changed my life...he taught me how to love and beyond that...i wasted all my life, my potentials and my opportunities just because i gave 'em all up in exchange of him...i could have been a law graduate by now...i could have been the plain old simple and nerdy peach i used to be...i could still remain innocent...but one thing i never regretted...when he gave me those precious gurls i thought i'd never had...that would be be the only good things he'd given me...my cherubims...
- Peaches, 9:39 - 11:40am
December 17, 2004 - Friday
Blue Mood,Crying Mood:
Sad,Bad,Frustrated & Defeated Mood

Monday, December 06, 2004

For Someone I Lost Along Life's Tiring Journey


(Excerpts from DIDO's lyrics...No Angel Album)

...We slept in this room together but now youre gone and it's so quiet i turn the radio on. We lived in this room together with painted walls. Now time doesn't stand still It crawls I never realized how much i was in love with you until you started sleeping with someone new. Last night i dreamed again and you were there. You kissed my face you touched my hair. Lying alone in the darkness with a memory in my head. Theres a big hole where my heart is and a lonely feeling rollin' round my bed and i'm afraid to sleep cuz if i do i dream of you and dreams are always deep on the pillow where i weep...

i didn't hear you leave,I wonder how am i still hereI don't want to move a thing, It might change my memory...I don't want to call my friends,They might wake me from this dream.And i can't leave this bed,Risk forgetting all that's been...Oh i am what i am,I'll do what i want,But i can't hide,I won't go,I won't sleep,I can't breathe Until you're resting here with me.I won't leave,I can't hide,I cannot be...Until you're resting here with me...

I'd like to watch you sleep at night,To hear you breathe by my side.And though sleep leaves me behind,There's nowhere i'd rather be And now our bed is oh so cold,My hands feel empty,No one to hold...but I can sleep what side i want,It's not the same with you gone.Oh if you'd come home,I'll let you know that All you want,Is right here in this roomand All you need Is sitting here with you It's been five years,some nights apart,But in that night you tore my heart...If only you had slept alone,If those seeds had not been sown...Oh you could come home and you would know that all you want is right here with me...I hear your key turning in the doorI won't be hearing that sound anymore And you and your sin Can leave the way you just came inSend my regards to her I hope you've found thatAll all you want Is right there in that room sitting there with you...

so you're with her, and not with me, i hope she's sweet, and so pretty...I hear she cooks delightfully, a little angel beside you...oh how lucky one man can be,I hear your house is smart and clean, Oh how lovely it must be,When you see her sweet smile baby, don't think of me,When she lays in your warm arms, don't think of me, i know she spreads sweet honey...In fact your best friend, i heard he spent last night with her.Now how do you feel?And it's too late and it's too bad, don't think of me.Does it bother you now all the mess i made?Does it bother you now the clothes you told me not to wear?Does it bother you now all the angry games we played?Does it bother you now when i'm not there?And it's too late and it's too bad, don't think of me...

If you gave me just a coin for every time we say goodbye,Well i'd be rich beyond my dreams, i'm sorry for my weary life...I know i'm not perfect but i can smile,And i hope that you see this heart behind my tired eyes...If you tell me that i can't, i will, i will, i'll try all night...I know you're not around each night...And i know i always think i'm rightI can believe that you might look around...And if you say you're coming home, you'll probably be out all night,I know i can be afraid but i'm alive!And i hope that you can trust this heart behind my tired eyes...I'm no angel, but please don't think that i won't try and try...I'm no angel, but does that mean that i can't live my life!I'm no angel, but please don't think that i can't cry!I'm no angel, but does that mean that i won't fly!

-part one since i need not think na,it was clearly expressed on these songs...