Boyce Avenue-Super love it!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Things That Gets Under My Skin...Darn!


Sometimes i'm wond'rin' why things aren't so much easier to explain and to make people understand than how you anticipate they would...I don't understand really why some people does't want others to be okay...they just don't wanna see other to be happy even for a brief moment....It pains me so much and it gets under my skin, i'm left so much pissed off of the moment.Just when you think you'd be quite okay and that you'd be able to pick up the smashed pieces of your life back...someone came crashing back to ruin every little effort that you painstakingly built.I just don't understand why some people wanted to play with your feelings to toy you aroud this hand and treat you like trash.Nakakasuka if i may say.They think you are making 'em jealous or you wanted 'em to feel the pain that you are experiencing when the truth was you just wanted to be true to yourself and be honest...be candid and be open....They think that respect means letting someone be jealous?Damn what the fuck was that kind of thinking?Some narrowminded way?And just because of that they have taken the advantage of using it against you?And for whatsoever reason?They would tell you that they're laughing at you because they thought you are making a fool out of yourself but who wasn't?if they aren't the least bit affected, why rant and ramble about it from time to time?Why make some pretty ugly stories about you if they aren't the least bit affected?Putang-ina nman nya,ha mana sya sa totoong tatay nya in fairness!Then he would tell me i'm the one making siksik of myself to him when the truth is he's the one who would text me with i love you's and save my texts?That i'm a devil who was thick-faced and who doesn't cringe on what i'm doin' forcing myself on him?That he'd rather die than live his life with me...so why is there contradictions...he was bragging different things to people around him while he ranted differently to me...who would look like a fool and who would come out to be lying?Perfect plan because it's me...?For what damn reason if he wasn't affected...He's a motherfuckin' pretender..He's a coward who doesn't wanna take off his mask because he's afraid that the truth would show...Because he can't accept the motherfuckin' fact that he was damn affected...that maybe he was just in a denial stage and that he was just trying to convince his stupid pride, his moronic ego and such...Why make a story that i'm in a goddamn place away from here just to see my ex?and that i don't live here? and that i'm making paselos to him?Duh, what a pathetic reason and what a traitorous way!I'm so goddamn freaked out i just can't wait to leave this godforsaken house and this motherfucking place...for good.Who knows he might not pester me anymore...perhaps he would never ever bother me anymore just when i started fixing my wasted life again...He thought that i could never live my life without him...then let him think that way and one day...i would let him eat every screwin' word he told me...That i'm just a plain old Palipasang oras lang, praktisan, pangit at baduy na babaeng pambahay lang, dimonyong makapal ang mukha na hindi nangingiri sa pagsiksik ko daw ng sarili ko sa kanya,na di kayang mabuhay ng wala sya at inlababo raw sa kanya...we'll see.You can have all the girls you want and you can have all the sex you want and fuck all the girl you want for all i care...I would never be affected anymore once i left you...i swear to God.I could live without it and i'm gonna make sure that you'll pay every goddamn tears i shed for my kids and for my wasted love on you...You thought you could lure me again to be your doormat and permanet spare or what we call your insanity absorber...You'll see...Things has changed but you caused every damn changes in me...i may cry still but not with with pain or hurt or love for you anymore...It would be my hatred and rage and disgust on you...I wasted everything and you ruined my life...but things must come to an end...i would never ever tolerate another stupidity for teh sake of love...i have daughters and that's what is more important to me now...that they would soon grow up away from you and away from your rotten upbringing!And by then i will no longer cry or be insecure and be frustrated again as how you had made me into...

Peaches- 9:01 pm, 11/28/04, Sunday

Disgusted and Angered Mood


Sunday, November 07, 2004

Connection Part II: I Ain't Supposed To Be Won'drin'!


Romantic CompatibilityProvided by Astrology.com
Leo & Scorpio

When Leo and Scorpio join together in a love match, the result is usually a dynamic and intense union. They are well tuned in to one another's needs; Scorpio demands respect and to be wanted while Leo needs to be adored and complimented constantly. They are both extremely loyal, and often possessive of one another. Both members of this love match are able to give the other what they need and while enjoying one another's strengths.

Leo relishes comfort and luxury, often doing things on a grand scale. Leo tends to be flamboyant, and Scorpio will appreciate that and will be happy to be the audience Leo requires as long as there is equality in the relationship. Leo shines brighter and more insistently, evolving into the living, breathing manifestation of magnificence and luxury. Scorpio shies away from the limelight but likes to control the mechanics. Because both Signs are so determined, these partners really need to work to understand and accept one another.

Leo is ruled by the Sun while Scorpio is ruled by the Planets Mars and Pluto. The Sun is about ego and self, and it radiates warmth and light. Leo indeed emits this kind of zeal and enthusiasm. Mars is about war, brashness and battle, and Pluto is the influence on Scorpio's inner dialogue. Ruled by the House of Sex, Pluto influences the idea of regeneration and rebirthing that is a current theme in Scorpio's life. Together, this abundance of male energy causes Leo and Scorpio to lighten their conflicts and assist one another. The Sun represents life, and Mars and Pluto represent ambition and the unconscious; as long as they take the time to really understand one another on a deep level, their romance is a positive one with high expectations.

Leo is a Fire Sign and Scorpio is a Water Sign. Leo demands the freedom to mingle, while Scorpio has a chameleon personality. Both Signs want to lead, but in different ways, and this common desire could end up causing ripples in an otherwise steady, smooth relationship. Like the Elements that influence them, these two have the ability to cancel one another out. At times, their relationship may not be so harmonious. However, both partners will realize that petty disputes are only a distraction, and as long as they can keep their egos at bay and give the relationship top priority, their conflicts can usually be resolved.

Scorpio and Leo are both Fixed Signs. Both can be rigid, opinionated and resistant to change. They both tend to be persistent when working toward their goals. If they have a plan, they'll stick to it until they get what they want. They usually share a reluctance to change, preferring a stable and steady road. If they have dissimilar ideas about something, they may end up in a never-ending cycle of struggles. Scorpio won't budge because to them, it would be a sign of weakness. And Leo may think Scorpio is being too self-righteous. If they understand they're on the same side in the larger scheme of things, it's much easier for them to remain productive.

What's the best aspect of the Leo-Scorpio relationship? It's their shared sense of dedication to one another and the projects they partake in. Both Signs have very powerful, yet strategically different, personalities. They are seen as a strong pair by others, and their dedication to fulfilling their desires makes theirs a strong love match.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Why Do We Love?

http://friendster.com/bulletin.php?statpos=bulletintable&bid=28920898&uid=3617924

why do we love ba? so we can have somebody to talk to?
someone who can be there pag gusto natin gumala?
a person na pwedeng manlibre satin?
taong magbibitbit ng gamit mo?

- Good Question ito...ang iba kasi they tend to love because they thought that it was really love that they feel...yung tipong lahat ipaglalaban nila at gagawan ng paraan para lang mapasaya at ma-please yung taong "mahal daw nila" What they didn't realize was that they only feel infatuation toward that person they are ready to die for...it was all different from true love! Kasi nag-ienjoy lang sila at kinikilig...initial thrill lang kung baga...kasi parang excited sila masarap kasi kausap yung girl or yung guy...tapos palagi silang ipinagbabayad sa kung anu-ano mang gustuhin nila...tapos may errand girl or boy sila...

ALALAY for short!
eh pano kung di ka nya mahal?
would you still love him/her?
would you still continue to care for thatperson?
bakit naman hinde?

- Tama nga, eh pano kung hindi talaga sila love nung kapartner nila..kasi nagbibigay lang sila ng enjoyment at thrill ta the moment...yung tipo bang adventure challenge at great sex lang... kung true love nila yung tao...kung may matagal na silang pinagsamahan at kung may offsprings na sila...malamang puwede pa ring ipagpatuloy nila ang love and care for that person,why not?


you didnt love that person para magkaroon ka ng alalay,
magkaroon ka ng instant meal dahil libre,
taong gagawa ng assignments mo or projects,
or taong mahihila mo if you want to go out...

- Right again, 'di naman tayo nagmamahal para lang magkaroon ng alalay, ng tagasolve ng problema natin or tagabili ng instant free meal at mag-asikaso ng mga assignments at projects natin or makasama natin sa boredom or sa mga lakad...yung pwedeng ipamparada sa tropa kasi bagyo ang dating?nagmamahal tayo kasi yun ang nararamdaman natin...parang ang isang tao'y kadugo natin or karugtong ng life natin kahit hindi naman natin kaanu-ano pa...kasi mula sa puso ang feelings hindi sa puson!or sa utak at kantiyaw lang...

if thats what you think about love well sorry
ang BABAW mo!

*loving a person doesn't need to have a criteria na dapat maganda o guwapo,
dapat mabait or understanding,
kasi once you fall inlove you take the risk of accepting dat person

- I know the feeling kasi i had fallen in love with a guy who's not guapo and who had a lot of negative as in NEGATIVE sides but i accepted him kasi i find him so kind and so sweet and i thought he's nice...

kahit maingay sya matulog, yung hilik ng hilik
kahit matakaw sya o sobrang fat na hindi kayo kasya pag puno ang jeep!

kahit sobrang moody nya na kulang nalang ay sapakin mo sa inis!
yung sobrang selosa/seloso na pati barkada pinagseselosan.. badtrip diba?
and yung napaka-arte OA kung baga!
o kahit ano pang things that would turn you off...

hirap tlaga magmahal trying to be PERFECT kase gusto mong magtagal
pero hindi yun ang sagot sa lahat...

ACCEPTING the real person fully

but well, he had deceived me all along...he changed a lot of partners in bed and on his gimmicks outdoors.. just as how he'd change his underwear... but i have loved him so i have endured the pain and tried so much to be blind... he only told me he loved me because he thought i'd be a perfect girl to be his wife...so he planned and intended everything to happen...without giving me the chance to enjoy my life... as in i have changed rin because unconsciously he'd driven me up to the wall...

kase if you said na mahal mo sya you dont need to find answers kung bakit mo sya mahal... kase lahat ng tao nagbabago but if you accept that person magbago man sya in the middle of your relationship hindi ka masasaktan kase you know that darating din yun.. tsaka tanggap mo sya ng buo...

- that i have changed na raw...pati kabarkada nya which was his first priority as ever, pinagseselosan ko na raw... sa kadahilanang mas inuuna pa nya ang mga ito kaysa sa mga anak nya which is perfectly reasonable naman ang side ko,di ba? Then, nagbago na raw ako?Or so he say...kaya sya ganun...he went on finding another kasi dahil sa mga ginagawa nya i have changed and he didn't expect that i would...dapat daw dati ap rin ako...after the betrayal and the pain and the sufferings and the heartaches and torturous insults and beatings...who wouldn't?Di ba kahit santo nagiging nagger kung ang partner mo ay kumpleto na sa lahat ng bad?But it doesn't necessarily mean na hindi na natin sila mahal...still we ranted and raved but that was all, we still tolerated and endured the pain and forgave and accepted them pagka bumabalik sila satin...di ba?typical doormat attitude...just like me!

mahirap gawin pero masarap subukan dahil wala ng sasaya pa if you let one person feel na MAHAL NA MAHAL mo sya without asking 4 anything in return... then you can say wow un pla ang LOVE!


- You can say that again, Right! If we've been thru all this and we have loved and endured all this and still they left us...after we have given up all we have for them..after we have clung on our hopes and faith for so long?That would be the essence of loving...because we can never say it's love if we haven't shed a tear or felt the pain or broken our hearts...Opinionko lang po ito...i didn't ask anyone to agree...but your comments are so welcome here...

Why Do We Love?

-Peaches, Blue and Bored Mood

11/04/04...Thursday, 11:45 pm

Alone -Home, PC Table




Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Some Goodies From Other Bloggers That I Wanted To Save For A Few Reaction and Respect To Them Whom I Bow!

http://moonbeam.motime.com/http://weirdspaghetti.blogspot.com

For the record, i still read your name on the posters, billboards and flyers I encounter everyday. i still see your initials oddly carved on that monobloc chair at the lobby of one of the offices i go to. It's true, i haven't been talking to you and about you for some time now, but that does not lessen the veracity of what supposedly should have been there. before you left that afternoon, you asked me if there was anything else that you needed to hear. i still had things to tell you, i know. but it was only during our prior conversation that i realized this: there are things better left unsaid and unanswered for now. funny, i had the same heart months ago. i really don't know what happened. everything was supposed to be just a gentle quiet affirmation, something that would've held a promise. but you chose to end it all right there and then. maybe it was something out of panic, some sort of defense mechanism, of self-preservation. But then again, maybe not. Maybe the decision to lock the doors for me was slowly building up in you at the very same time the courage to knock on the door was building up in me. or maybe it already was, right from the start. And there is no way to know for now. I stand at the edge of the cliff, looking at the many other roads i might possibly take from here. I pray that God would make my wings strong enough for me to land on one of these roads gracefully and continue my journey. I pray for yours too, as i have always been.
Maybe somewhere in the far horizon, on one of these roads, we'll get to share another short chapter again, maybe not. We'll never know until we're there. For now, let us spread our wings.

http://peachykeen.blogdrive.com/

Athropy...

I am fading...Just when I’ve worked so hard To see and be seen, be known and to know. I am turning into a ghost, And I am afraid of myself Of what I am becoming, Because I can’t stop it. My hands are tied, And I can feel myself Giving in to the tide, Letting the waters
Rise over my head, And just sleep.

I'm Ok...

it's not that i don't appreciate kind eyes, gentle words, that warm hand on my shoulder and maybe an awkward hug now and then. i just want to let you know that it's ok not to worry about me because everything will be fine.but then again. when did that make anything better with us.

Cages

free me from this day and all the thoughts in my head stuck like fishbones in my throat. pull at the chain's slack cut me free let my wings remember its romance with the wind. i have been on the ground too long roots have grown on my feet free me from today and let my eyes set sight on what never was then maybe i could learn what it means to soar again.

Playing Games

you're so not good at this hiding thing, you know. although i can't get through your closed doors i always know where you are. i'll show you how it is to hide. you won't even know i'm gone. i always did this before you came along. let's play hide and seek. and i'll hide while you hide. the person who can wait the longest and be the one who is found wins.

Dear Lord

i feel so weak (i am weak) i miss you i haven't done anything bad lately--but i know i've done much worse i'm Pretending again making it look like i'm strong when all the while i've been floudering away from you take out these preoccupations from my hands i am disgusted with myself for holding on to these i said i had given up to you.

Prose

i think i will write in straight sentences and blocks of paragraphs right now i don't feel safe with the broken structure of verses at this moment i need a warm hug without worrying if it's time to let go and if i can hang on to it forever much like the first time i fell in love it felt like i could fall for all time until i crashed to the ground and i could still taste the dirt in my mouth and it wasn't sweet or salty like the water out of my eyes i'm drowning in and i keep on sinking oh god i don't know what i should do anymore.

To Those Who Have Gone Ahead

come back walk with me for a while even when our hands seldom touch it's easier to cross an intersection beside somebody who looks both ways takes the danger side for you.

dear you
a few years from now we'll ask ourselves, "what happened?"
who drew that invisible line that says"what's mine, and what's yours"how friends cross the ever growing wall to get from my side to yours.sometimes i think"had i only bridged that silence..." in the car with real words instead of ones made of clouds that made us laugh until we get to the house where there's space enough to move around each other not to talk.a few years from now maybe we'll finally go and lean on that wall that's grown and ask ourselves,"what happened?"and figure out what had gotten us to where we are.and maybe find a chink in the wall to see me and you from where we each stand.but right now.i really really really don't want us there a few years from now.
Posted at 08:41 am by peachespeeled

Tuesday, May 04, 2004
inches and miles
it's far easier to face miles and miles of distance to trek just to be with you than watching the inches of space between our hands and shoulders and breathing chests but never touching
Posted at 04:59 pm by peachespeeled

Thursday, April 29, 2004
the art of lying
how are you?i'm great. (said with a smile, full teeth to show i'm sane enoughto brush this morning before going to out to face the world.)you sure?yes, i'm sure.(as sure as i am hanging onto the rungs that stand between me and the pit ofdespair as i dangle in the brink of a full blown depression.)
Posted at 10:12 am by peachespeeled

overheard from a phone conversation
"how can you tell if i'm looking depressed when you can't see me?oh.well, i'm sighing more 'cause you can't see me."-------------------------how does one begin counting the ways and meanings contained in a sigh?it's a teardrop held together by a thin tension on the sides that breaks when it falls.how does one begin counting the needs and demands to be met as soon as yesterday?i am rushing because it's like i don't have time to do everything be everything i have to be sister, lover, friend, model citizen daughter of my parents child of God.so i sigh. breath.remember to breath.i can't keel over,not right now because there's still so much to be done and become.
Posted at 10:04 am by peachespeeled

Saturday, April 17, 2004
i wish i could've written this first
Hands

We wonder at it even then The impossible symmetry,Our fingers thread each other Perfectly—The pleasure was An ocean peeling off
Then whaling down in tonnes, And we were aware of inner tides
Watering our innocence.

Posted at 01:27 pm by peachespeeled
wait
...can i reserve this spot beside you while i go up and collect myself?i'll be back as soon as i can.

withdrawal
i'm taking a breakin silence right now and these words are not made for ripples in my stillness.but the habit of you here, your hands sheltering mine,your breathing cradling me and letting me keep my solitude behind my eyes,i can't do without luv.
Posted at 09:00 am by peachespeelings

Monday, March 22, 2004
to say something
this is just to say, mister that i am tired so many roads and turns and bends have rolled under me. miles accumulating like age on my shoulders weigh me down at the setting of each day. so there.
Posted at 12:23 am by peachespeelings

Sunday, March 21, 2004
trails
i am groping in the dark eyes closed tight fingers walking, palms scraping the ground.vipers slip sliding on dust like glass.secrets are found on the last place you'd find them.and sometimes digging and wriggling into warrens require you to face down the ground.
Posted at 11:49 pm by peachespeelings

Monday, March 15, 2004
hmm
i do love cold feet and warm hands.your shoulders,strong and a pillow smelling of hugs and home,under my cheek.

running
i can't breathe when i'm neither here or there and your arms are not where i am to hold me where i stand.i'll be back run around in circles until my breath comes back i'll come back my heart is tethered to you.just let me do this right now.i'll be back.you'll see.
Posted at 01:12 pm by peachespeelings

Tuesday, March 09, 2004
room
one does not really count the people waiting in the dark.no need to hear individually their murmurings because they say the different things all the time and they make no sense anyway.so stay in the dark.no need to shout.stay in the dark.and leave me alone to make up my mind.
Posted at 02:24 pm by peachespeelings

Sunday, March 07, 2004
this is for you
it's not just you it's the idea of you the idea of love to rub my hands across your back to kiss you knowing what no one else knows about you seeing you at your weakest moments because you're delicate your smile your strong hugs it's the idea of you that makes my stomach tingle.this is for you and those looks you shoot my way hooks and arrows straight into where the heart catches the cold sadness you hide behind your smiles and kisses and not knowing if it's time to fight this growing panic that gnaws and feeds in the shadows.i wish you won't need to fear,my fear is enoughfor usboth.
Posted at 02:14 pm by peachespeeled

Thursday, March 04, 2004
today my body
my skin is ill-fitting on me. it sags and bulges in places i hide beneathe folds of my clothes and cross of my arms my feet on the ground burns if they stay too long where they are my hands fidgets and covers each other wiping sticky stains on each other to clean up my eyes cannot keep it up it closes and rolls and rests in the air over your shoulder my mouth searches for words it thirsts to say and unsay and dries in silence
Posted at 08:22 pm by peachespeelings

i am...
the sea shifting and vast here and gone roars and sighs pounds and breaks dark and fathoms storms and teeth and vast the wind vain and unseen here, beyond your grasp dancing and singing murmuring a sweep of full skirts and gone the rain sympathetic apathetic heavy and dulling always ends threatens and falls.
Posted at 08:15 pm by peachespeelings

Wednesday, March 03, 2004
last
this was supposed to be my last post until i remembered what you said that one can never trust tomorrow and so i thought of all the tomorrows (now yesterdays and today) and decided that you could be right or wrong, depending on how which way you look at it
but the truth is. i can trust tomorrow we know it'll always become today and today is always here it just occured to me it's just me that i can't trust so maybe this will be my last post in a while because i feel like running today or maybe not.
Posted at 01:29 pm by peachespeeled

sure
don't do that do this instead stay go relax be vigilant you know what to do just as long as you follow my lead don't let go never give up be strong hang on (one of them days i want to say no again.)
Posted at 01:22 pm by peachespeelings

Sunday, February 29, 2004
this day
today is the day for objections of raising my fists and banging the tables today is not the day for apologies for polite smiles and downcast eyes today is the day i don't have to put up with any of this today is the day i say i don't want any of this and this isn't what i want. to refuse to listen to reason.give in to tantrums and stomp the floor for all its worth.today just isn't my day.
Posted at 03:03 pm by peachespeeled

for all those times i wanted to say no
thanks, but no.no. no. no.no. no. no.sounds like a good idea but no. no.idon't think so.no no. no. no.interesting.but i don't like want it. nonononononononononononononono.um,yeah. but. no
Posted at 02:53 pm by peachespeeled

Friday, February 27, 2004
this
this isn't poetry she said, waving flammable leaves tatooed with fresh blood.poetry is this thoughts made whole tangible concrete. poetry puts your heart in my hands until i feel the blood ooze between my fingers then this isn't my poetry.i say my poetry sacrifices my body on the altar where blood collects in canals so the ghost rises up freed. intangible. so it moves through walls and walls one cage to another to leave and return to places where i can no longer go.
Posted at 09:43 am by peachespeelings
http://moonbeam.motime.com/

For the record, i still read your name on the posters, billboards and flyers I encounter everyday. i still see your initials oddly carved on that monobloc chair at the lobby of one of the offices i go to. It's true, i haven't been talking to you and about you for some time now, but that does not lessen the veracity of what supposedly should have been there. before you left that afternoon, you asked me if there was anything else that you needed to hear. i still had things to tell you, i know. but it was only during our prior conversation that i realized this: there are things better left unsaid and unanswered for now. funny, i had the same heart months ago. i really don't know what happened. everything was supposed to be just a gentle quiet affirmation, something that would've held a promise. but you chose to end it all right there and then. maybe it was something out of panic, some sort of defense mechanism, of self-preservation. But then again, maybe not. Maybe the decision to lock the doors for me was slowly building up in you at the very same time the courage to knock on the door was building up in me. or maybe it already was, right from the start. And there is no way to know for now. I stand at the edge of the cliff, looking at the many other roads i might possibly take from here. I pray that God would make my wings strong enough for me to land on one of these roads gracefully and continue my journey. I pray for yours too, as i have always been.
Maybe somewhere in the far horizon, on one of these roads, we'll get to share another short chapter again, maybe not. We'll never know until we're there. For now, let us spread our wings.

http://peachykeen.blogdrive.com/

Athropy...

I am fading...Just when I’ve worked so hard To see and be seen, be known and to know. I am turning into a ghost, And I am afraid of myself Of what I am becoming, Because I can’t stop it. My hands are tied, And I can feel myself Giving in to the tide, Letting the waters
Rise over my head, And just sleep.

I'm Ok...

it's not that i don't appreciate kind eyes, gentle words, that warm hand on my shoulder and maybe an awkward hug now and then. i just want to let you know that it's ok not to worry about me because everything will be fine.but then again. when did that make anything better with us.

Cages

free me from this day and all the thoughts in my head stuck like fishbones in my throat. pull at the chain's slack cut me free let my wings remember its romance with the wind. i have been on the ground too long roots have grown on my feet free me from today and let my eyes set sight on what never was then maybe i could learn what it means to soar again.

Playing Games

you're so not good at this hiding thing, you know. although i can't get through your closed doors i always know where you are. i'll show you how it is to hide. you won't even know i'm gone. i always did this before you came along. let's play hide and seek. and i'll hide while you hide. the person who can wait the longest and be the one who is found wins.

Dear Lord

i feel so weak (i am weak) i miss you i haven't done anything bad lately--but i know i've done much worse i'm Pretending again making it look like i'm strong when all the while i've been floudering away from you take out these preoccupations from my hands i am disgusted with myself for holding on to these i said i had given up to you.

Prose

i think i will write in straight sentences and blocks of paragraphs right now i don't feel safe with the broken structure of verses at this moment i need a warm hug without worrying if it's time to let go and if i can hang on to it forever much like the first time i fell in love it felt like i could fall for all time until i crashed to the ground and i could still taste the dirt in my mouth and it wasn't sweet or salty like the water out of my eyes i'm drowning in and i keep on sinking oh god i don't know what i should do anymore.

To Those Who Have Gone Ahead

come back walk with me for a while even when our hands seldom touch it's easier to cross an intersection beside somebody who looks both ways takes the danger side for you.

dear you
a few years from now we'll ask ourselves, "what happened?"
who drew that invisible line that says"what's mine, and what's yours"how friends cross the ever growing wall to get from my side to yours.sometimes i think"had i only bridged that silence..." in the car with real words instead of ones made of clouds that made us laugh until we get to the house where there's space enough to move around each other not to talk.a few years from now maybe we'll finally go and lean on that wall that's grown and ask ourselves,"what happened?"and figure out what had gotten us to where we are.and maybe find a chink in the wall to see me and you from where we each stand.but right now.i really really really don't want us there a few years from now.
Posted at 08:41 am by peachespeeled

Tuesday, May 04, 2004
inches and miles
it's far easier to face miles and miles of distance to trek just to be with you than watching the inches of space between our hands and shoulders and breathing chests but never touching
Posted at 04:59 pm by peachespeeled

Thursday, April 29, 2004
the art of lying
how are you?i'm great. (said with a smile, full teeth to show i'm sane enoughto brush this morning before going to out to face the world.)you sure?yes, i'm sure.(as sure as i am hanging onto the rungs that stand between me and the pit ofdespair as i dangle in the brink of a full blown depression.)
Posted at 10:12 am by peachespeeled

overheard from a phone conversation
"how can you tell if i'm looking depressed when you can't see me?oh.well, i'm sighing more 'cause you can't see me."-------------------------how does one begin counting the ways and meanings contained in a sigh?it's a teardrop held together by a thin tension on the sides that breaks when it falls.how does one begin counting the needs and demands to be met as soon as yesterday?i am rushing because it's like i don't have time to do everything be everything i have to be sister, lover, friend, model citizen daughter of my parents child of God.so i sigh. breath.remember to breath.i can't keel over,not right now because there's still so much to be done and become.
Posted at 10:04 am by peachespeeled

Saturday, April 17, 2004
i wish i could've written this first
Hands

We wonder at it even then The impossible symmetry,Our fingers thread each other Perfectly—The pleasure was An ocean peeling off Then whaling down in tonnes, And we were aware of inner tides Watering our innocence.

Posted at 01:27 pm by peachespeeled
wait
...can i reserve this spot beside you while i go up and collect myself?i'll be back as soon as i can.

withdrawal
i'm taking a breakin silence right now and these words are not made
for ripples in my stillness.but the habit of you here, your hands sheltering mine,your breathing cradling me and letting me keep my solitude behind my eyes,i can't do without luv.
Posted at 09:00 am by peachespeelings

Monday, March 22, 2004
to say something
this is just to say, mister that i am tired so many roads and turns and bends have rolled under me. miles accumulating like age on my shoulders weigh me down at the setting of each day. so there.
Posted at 12:23 am by peachespeelings

Sunday, March 21, 2004
trails
i am groping in the dark eyes closed tight fingers walking, palms scraping the ground.vipers slip sliding on dust like glass.secrets are found on the last place you'd find them.and sometimes digging and wriggling into warrens require you to face down the ground.
Posted at 11:49 pm by peachespeelings

Monday, March 15, 2004
hmm
i do love cold feet and warm hands.your shoulders,strong and a pillow smelling of hugs and home,under my cheek.

running
i can't breathe when i'm neither here or there and your arms are not where i am to hold me where i stand.i'll be back run around in circles until my breath comes back i'll come back my heart is tethered to you.just let me do this right now.i'll be back.you'll see.
Posted at 01:12 pm by peachespeelings

Tuesday, March 09, 2004
room
one does not really count the people waiting in the dark.no need to hear individually their murmurings because they say the different things all the time and they make no sense anyway.so stay in the dark.no need to shout.stay in the dark.and leave me alone to make up my mind.
Posted at 02:24 pm by peachespeelings

Sunday, March 07, 2004
this is for you
it's not just you it's the idea of you the idea of love to rub my hands across your back to kiss you knowing what no one else knows about you seeing you at your weakest moments because you're delicate your smile your strong hugs it's the idea of you that makes my stomach tingle.this is for you and those looks you shoot my way hooks and arrows straight into where the heart catches the cold sadness you hide behind your smiles and kisses and not knowing if it's time to fight this growing panic that gnaws and feeds in the shadows.i wish you won't need to fear,my fear is enoughfor usboth.
Posted at 02:14 pm by peachespeeled

Thursday, March 04, 2004
today my body
my skin is ill-fitting on me. it sags and bulges in places i hide beneathe folds of my clothes and cross of my arms my feet on the ground burns if they stay too long where they are my hands fidgets and covers each other wiping sticky stains on each other to clean up my eyes cannot keep it up it closes and rolls and rests in the air over your shoulder my mouth searches for words it thirsts to say and unsay and dries in silence
Posted at 08:22 pm by peachespeelings

i am...
the sea shifting and vast here and gone roars and sighs pounds and breaks dark and fathoms storms and teeth and vast the wind vain and unseen here, beyond your grasp dancing and singing murmuring a sweep of full skirts and gone the rain sympathetic apathetic heavy and dulling always ends threatens and falls.
Posted at 08:15 pm by peachespeelings

Wednesday, March 03, 2004
last
this was supposed to be my last post until i remembered what you said that one can never trust tomorrow and so i thought of all the tomorrows (now yesterdays and today) and decided that you could be right or wrong, depending on how which way you look at it but the truth is. i can trust tomorrow we know it'll always become today and today is always here it just occured to me it's just me that i can't trust so maybe this will be my last post in a while because i feel like running today or maybe not.
Posted at 01:29 pm by peachespeeled

sure
don't do that do this instead stay go relax be vigilant you know what to do just as long as you follow my lead don't let go never give up be strong hang on (one of them days i want to say no again.)
Posted at 01:22 pm by peachespeelings

Sunday, February 29, 2004
this day
today is the day for objections of raising my fists and banging the tables today is not the day for apologies for polite smiles and downcast eyes today is the day i don't have to put up with any of this today is the day i say i don't want any of this and this isn't what i want. to refuse to listen to reason.give in to tantrums and stomp the floor for all its worth.today just isn't my day.
Posted at 03:03 pm by peachespeeled

for all those times i wanted to say no
thanks, but no.no. no. no.no. no. no.sounds like a good idea but no. no.idon't think so.no no. no. no.interesting.but i don't like want it. nonononononononononononononono.um,yeah. but. no
Posted at 02:53 pm by peachespeeled

Friday, February 27, 2004
this
this isn't poetry she said, waving flammable leaves tatooed with fresh blood.poetry is this thoughts made whole tangible concrete. poetry puts your heart in my hands until i feel the blood ooze between my fingers then this isn't my poetry.i say my poetry sacrifices my body on the altar where blood collects in canals so the ghost rises up freed. intangible. so it moves through walls and walls one cage to another to leave and return to places where i can no longer go.
Posted at 09:43 am by peachespeelings

i still see your initials oddly carved on that monobloc chair at the lobby of one of the offices i go to. It's true, i haven't been talking to you and about you for some time now, but that does not lessen the veracity of what supposedly should have been there. before you left that afternoon, you asked me if there was anything else that you needed to hear. i still had things to tell you, i know. but it was only during our prior conversation that i realized this: there are things better left unsaid and unanswered for now. funny, i had the same heart months ago. i really don't know what happened. everything was supposed to be just a gentle quiet affirmation, something that would've held a promise. but you chose to end it all right there and then.maybe it was something out of panic, some sort of defense mechanism, of self-preservation. But then again, maybe not. Maybe the decision to lock the doors for me was slowly building up in you at the very same time the courage to knock on the door was building up in me. or maybe it already was, right from the start. And there is no way to know for now. I stand at the edge of the cliff, looking at the many other roads i might possibly take from here. I pray that God would make my wings strong enough for me to land on one of these roads gracefully and continue my journey.
I pray for yours too, as i have always been. Maybe somewhere in the far horizon, on one of these roads, we'll get to share another short chapter again, maybe not. We'll never know until we're there. For now, let us spread our wings.

Her Athropy Poem...

I am fading...Just when I’ve worked so hard
To see and be seen, be known and to know.

I am turning into a ghost, And I am afraid of myself
Of what I am becoming, Because I can’t stop it.

My hands are tied, And I can feel myself
Giving in to the tide, Letting the waters
Rise over my head, And just sleep.

Her I'm Ok Poem...

it's not that i don't appreciate kind eyes, gentle words, that warm hand on my shoulderand maybe an awkward hug now and then.

i just want to let you knowthat it's ok not to worry about mebecause everything will be fine.but then again. when did that make anything better with us.

Her Cages Poem

free me from this dayand all the thoughts in my headstuck like fishbones in my throat.
pull at the chain's slackcut me free let my wings remember
its romance with the wind.
i have been on the ground too long
roots have grown on my feetfree me from todayand let my eyes set sighton what never was
then maybe i could learn
what it meansto soar again.

Her Playing Games Poem

you're so not good at this hiding thing, you know.
although i can't get through your closed doorsi always know where you are.
i'll show you how it is to hide.
you won't even know i'm gone.
i always did this before you came along.
let's play hide and seek.
and i'll hide while you hide.
the person who can wait the longestand be the one who is found wins.

Her Dear Lord Poem

i feel so weak (i am weak)
i miss you
i haven't done anything bad lately--
but i know i've done much worse
i'm Pretending again
making it look like i'm strong
when all the while i've been floudering away from you
take out these preoccupations from my hands
i am disgusted with myself for holding on to these
i said i had given upto you.

Her Prose Poem

i think i will write in straight sentences and blocks of paragraphs right now i don't feel safe with the broken structure of verses at this moment i need a warm hug without worrying if it's time to let go and if i can hang on to it forever much like the first time i fell in love it felt like i could fall for all time until i crashed to the ground and i could still taste the dirt in my mouth and it wasn't sweet or salty like the water out of my eyes i'm drowning in and i keep on sinking ogodidon'tknowwhatishoulddoanymore

Her To Those Who Have Gone Ahead Poem

come back walk with me for a while
even when our hands seldom touch it's easier to cross an intersection
beside somebody who looks both ways
takes the danger sidefor you.

dear you
a few years from now we'll ask ourselves, "what happened?" who drew that invisible line that says"what's mine, and what's yours"how friends cross the ever growing wall to get from my side to yours.sometimes i think"had i only bridged that silence..." in the car with real words instead of ones made of clouds that made us laugh until we get to the house where there's space enough to move around each other not to talk. a few years from now maybe we'll finally go and lean on that wall that's grown and ask ourselves,"what happened?"and figure out what had gotten us to where we are. and maybe find a chink in the wall to see me and you from where we each stand. but right now.i really really really don't want us there a few years from now.
Posted at 08:41 am by peaches

Tuesday, May 04, 2004
inches and miles
it's far easier to face miles and miles of distance to trek just to be with you than watching the inches of space between our hands and shoulders and breathing chests
but never touching
Posted at 04:59 pm by peaches

Thursday, April 29, 2004
the art of lying
how are you?i'm great.
(said with a smile, full teeth to show i'm sane enough to brush this morning before going to out to face the world.)you sure?yes, i'm sure.(as sure as i am hanging onto the rungs that stand between me and the pit of despair as i dangle in the brink of a full blown depression.)
Posted at 10:12 am by peaches

overheard from a phone conversation
"how can you tell if i'm looking depressed when you can't see me?oh.well, i'm sighing more 'cause you can't see me."-------------------------how does one begin counting the ways and meanings contained in a sigh?it's a teardrop held together by a thin tension on the sides that breaks when it falls.how does one begin counting the needs and demands to be met as soon as yesterday?i am rushing because it's like i don't have time to do everything be everything i have to be sister, lover, friend, model citizen daughter of my parents child of God.so i sigh. breath.remember to breath.i can't keel over,not right now because there's still so much to be done and become.
Posted at 10:04 am by peaches

Saturday, April 17, 2004
i wish i could've written this first
Hands

We wonder at it even then
The impossible symmetry,
Our fingers thread each other
Perfectly—
The pleasure was
An ocean peeling off
Then whaling down in tonnes,
And we were aware of inner tides
Watering our innocence.

(Colin Tan)
Posted at 01:27 pm by peaches

wait
...can i reserve this spot beside you while i go up and collect myself?i'll be back as soon as i can.

withdrawal
i'm taking a breakin silence right now and these words are not made for ripples in my stillness.but the habit of you here, your hands sheltering mine,your breathing cradling me and letting me keep my solitude behind my eyes,i can't do without luv.
Posted at 09:00 am by peaches

Monday, March 22, 2004
to say something this is just to say, mister that i am tired so many roads and turns and bends have rolled under me.miles accumulating like age on my shoulders weigh me down at the setting of each day. so there.
Posted at 12:23 am by peaches

Sunday, March 21, 2004
trails
i am groping in the dark eyes closed tight fingers walking, palms scraping the ground.vipers slip sliding on dust like glass.secrets are found on the last place you'd find them.and sometimes digging and wriggling into warrens require you to face down the ground.
Posted at 11:49 pm by peaches

Monday, March 15, 2004
hmm
i do love cold feet and warm hands.your shoulders,strong and a pillow smelling of hugs and home,under my cheek.

running
i can't breathe when i'm neither here or there and your arms are not where i am to hold me where i stand.i'll be back run around in circles until my breath comes back i'll come back my heart is tethered to you.just let me do this right now.i'll be back.you'll see.
Posted at 01:12 pm by peaches

Tuesday, March 09, 2004
room
one does notreally countthe people waiting in the dark.no need to hear individually their murmurings because they say the different things all the time and they make nosense anyway.so stay in the dark.no need to shout.stay in the dark.and leave me aloneto make up my mind.
Posted at 02:24 pm by peaches

Sunday, March 07, 2004
this is for you
it's not just you it's the idea of you the idea of love to rub my hands across your back to kiss you knowing what no one else knows about you seeing you at your weakest moments because you're delicate your smile your strong hugs it's the idea of you that makes my stomach tingle.(isabella joy)----------------------------this is for you and those looks you shoot my way hooks and arrows straight into where the heart catches the cold sadness you hide behind your smiles and kisses and not knowing if it's time to fight this growing panic that gnaws and feeds in the shadows.i wish you won't need to fear,my fear is enough for us both.
Posted at 02:14 pm by peaches

Thursday, March 04, 2004
today my body
my skin is ill-fitting on me. it sags and bulges in places i hide beneath the folds of my clothes and cross of my arms my feet on the ground burns if they stay too long where they are my hands fidgets and covers each other wiping sticky stains on each other to clean up my eyes cannot keep it up it closes and rolls and rests in the air over your shoulder my mouth searches for words it thirsts to say and unsay and dries in silence
Posted at 08:22 pm by peaches

i am...
the sea shifting and vast here and gone roars and sighs pounds and breaks dark and fathoms storms and teeth and vast the wind vain and unseen here, beyond your grasp dancing and singing murmuring a sweep of full skirts and gone the rain sympathetic apathetic heavy and dulling always ends threatens and falls.
Posted at 08:15 pm by peaches

Wednesday, March 03, 2004
last
this was supposed to be my last post until i remembered what you said that one can never trust tomorrow and so i thought of all the tomorrows (now yesterdays and today)and decided that you could be right or wrong, depending on how which way you look at it but the truth is. i can trust tomorrow we know it'll always become today and today is always here it just occured to me it's just me that i can't trust so maybe this will be my last post in a while because i feel like running today or maybe not.
Posted at 01:29 pm by peaches

sure
don't do that do this instead stay go relax be vigilant you know what to do just as long as you follow my lead don't let go never give up be strong hang on (one of them days i want to say no again.)
Posted at 01:22 pm by peaches

Sunday, February 29, 2004
this day
today is the day for objections of raising my fists and banging the tables today is not the day for apologies for polite smiles and downcast eyes today is the day i don't have to put up with any of this today is the day i say i don't want any of this and this isn't what i want. to refuse to listen to reason.give in to tantrums and stomp the floor for all its worth.today just isn't my day.
Posted at 03:03 pm by peaches

for all those times i wanted to say no thanks, but no.no. no. no.no. no. no.sounds like a good idea butno.no.idon'tthinkso.nono. no. no.interesting.but i don't like want it.nonononononononononononononono.um,yeah. but. no
Posted at 02:53 pm by peaches

Friday, February 27, 2004
this
this isn't poetry she said, waving flammable leaves tatooed with fresh blood.poetry is this thoughts made whole tangible concrete.poetry puts your heart in my hands until i feel the blood ooze between my fingers then this isn't my poetry.i say my poetry sacrifices my body on the altar where blood collects in canals so the ghost rises up freed. intangible.so it moves through walls and walls one cage to another to leave and return to places where i can no longer go.
Posted at 09:43 am by peaches