Things That Gets Under My Skin...Darn!

Sometimes i'm wond'rin' why things aren't so much easier to explain and to make people understand than how you anticipate they would...I don't understand really why some people does't want others to be okay...they just don't wanna see other to be happy even for a brief moment....It pains me so much and it gets under my skin, i'm left so much pissed off of the moment.Just when you think you'd be quite okay and that you'd be able to pick up the smashed pieces of your life back...someone came crashing back to ruin every little effort that you painstakingly built.I just don't understand why some people wanted to play with your feelings to toy you aroud this hand and treat you like trash.Nakakasuka if i may say.They think you are making 'em jealous or you wanted 'em to feel the pain that you are experiencing when the truth was you just wanted to be true to yourself and be honest...be candid and be open....They think that respect means letting someone be jealous?Damn what the fuck was that kind of thinking?Some narrowminded way?And just because of that they have taken the advantage of using it against you?And for whatsoever reason?They would tell you that they're laughing at you because they thought you are making a fool out of yourself but who wasn't?if they aren't the least bit affected, why rant and ramble about it from time to time?Why make some pretty ugly stories about you if they aren't the least bit affected?Putang-ina nman nya,ha mana sya sa totoong tatay nya in fairness!Then he would tell me i'm the one making siksik of myself to him when the truth is he's the one who would text me with i love you's and save my texts?That i'm a devil who was thick-faced and who doesn't cringe on what i'm doin' forcing myself on him?That he'd rather die than live his life with me...so why is there contradictions...he was bragging different things to people around him while he ranted differently to me...who would look like a fool and who would come out to be lying?Perfect plan because it's me...?For what damn reason if he wasn't affected...He's a motherfuckin' pretender..He's a coward who doesn't wanna take off his mask because he's afraid that the truth would show...Because he can't accept the motherfuckin' fact that he was damn affected...that maybe he was just in a denial stage and that he was just trying to convince his stupid pride, his moronic ego and such...Why make a story that i'm in a goddamn place away from here just to see my ex?and that i don't live here? and that i'm making paselos to him?Duh, what a pathetic reason and what a traitorous way!I'm so goddamn freaked out i just can't wait to leave this godforsaken house and this motherfucking place...for good.Who knows he might not pester me anymore...perhaps he would never ever bother me anymore just when i started fixing my wasted life again...He thought that i could never live my life without him...then let him think that way and one day...i would let him eat every screwin' word he told me...That i'm just a plain old Palipasang oras lang, praktisan, pangit at baduy na babaeng pambahay lang, dimonyong makapal ang mukha na hindi nangingiri sa pagsiksik ko daw ng sarili ko sa kanya,na di kayang mabuhay ng wala sya at inlababo raw sa kanya...we'll see.You can have all the girls you want and you can have all the sex you want and fuck all the girl you want for all i care...I would never be affected anymore once i left you...i swear to God.I could live without it and i'm gonna make sure that you'll pay every goddamn tears i shed for my kids and for my wasted love on you...You thought you could lure me again to be your doormat and permanet spare or what we call your insanity absorber...You'll see...Things has changed but you caused every damn changes in me...i may cry still but not with with pain or hurt or love for you anymore...It would be my hatred and rage and disgust on you...I wasted everything and you ruined my life...but things must come to an end...i would never ever tolerate another stupidity for teh sake of love...i have daughters and that's what is more important to me now...that they would soon grow up away from you and away from your rotten upbringing!And by then i will no longer cry or be insecure and be frustrated again as how you had made me into...

Peaches- 9:01 pm, 11/28/04, Sunday

Disgusted and Angered Mood