Sometimes Just Shutting Up Numbs Up The Pain

I have realized these past few weeks that sometimes just shutting yourself out of everything and just ignoring everything even yourself numbs up the pain that they ara causing you. And just by busying yourself up to the point that your body could no longer carry on could diminish the stress of being on the verge of freaking out...Though at times i had this slight tinge of emptiness inside...but the tranquility of shutting out yourself from anyone is quite restoring and though not thoroughly calming, it could still mend up my already almost crumbling sanity...Yeah, this blast of blunders may quite sound odd but sometimes it makes sense than just keeping it to myself...At least it keeps me sustained and i allowed me to breathe slightly easier than i used to...

I started writing hate letters and sometimes sad letters..the type that shows my love, my hatred and my anguish...which could make one person really sigh with exasperation! Yet, all these letters went just straight to my bag...all of 'em unsent...i made 'em just to release what's in my head...those thoughts that clouded my head, making me dysfunctional...Yeah it's true, he went out every night and went home around 3:30 or 4:00am...but, i'm not at all bothered and sleepless as i used to...i have learned to accept it though at times even if i'm not waiting for him...my body clock told me to...maybe it's just because i got so much used to waiting in vain for how many years...True, i have learned how many stupid bitches he's been dating, screwing, or having fun with but i didn't bother asking him anymore, not even tried prying on his mobile phone or wallet secretly and then weep unknowingly as before...I just decided to stop looking at him, stop taking care of him and somehow it works quite good on me...maybe at the back of my mind i know that maybe i still do love him because i still got hurt when accidentally i saw this girl's picture wallpapered on his smart amazing phone...(maybe he just finished using the phone when i passed by and so the backlight was still glowing) i don't even know the girl and i did not bother knowing her at all, i just felt a slight tinge of pain...maybe i was insulted, maybe my pride was scratched up a bit...maybe that, but that's about it.i'm not so sure though...because even if i tried missing him, i just don't miss him anymore...maybe i just got tired of loving him so much even if i'm unloved that maybe i have learned not to love him anymore...Maybe those rumors that if you gave your all without saving up a bit of loving for yourself...you would runout of love in the end...i don't even feel interested at all on him...maybe they would never believe me but this is true...that's why i'm putting it in here because i felt satisfaction even if not wholly but i can't share it to anyone for the reason that i might be rejected, i might not be believed and i might be accused of sheer plasticity that's why i just kept this to myself...

These are all expressions...I'm not saying that i'm happy because NO, i'm not...but right now i'm quite contented with this set - up.I don't get forced to have intercourse even if i hated or i don't want it which makes it easier for me because i don't have to oblige myself to give in just because i love him and just because i live in this damn house,NOPE and another one's i don't have to act as if i'm enjoying doing it without love at all...In short, having him out of his room - our room - now, me and my daughter's room is so much convenient for me...my daughter won't see us quarreling or doing it and get affected or traumatized...and i get to heal this damn infection i got from him (who else?) because he's doing it with everybody...and i could rest better after a long day's workload without someone pestering me or pissing me off....besides, i don't go out for check-ups and for further medication now that i'm almost five months pregnant due to lack of support from 'em so i guess this locking up myself to his reality and the reality of our so-called relationship helps me in ways that he never could...It's not that happy but at least it makes me feel okay... and i'm contented for now...

- Blank Mood and Contented

08/31/05 2:47pm - 4:03pm Wednesday

What Guys Should Know About Girls

1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.(Don't YOU wonder how!)
2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you like hoes as much as you enjoy listening.
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.(You only tell that to shut us up!)
4. Girls are pretty, but yours is ALWAYS the Prettiest!(Don't ever compare us to others!)
5. You don't have PMS; don't fuckin act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a Big Dick; we know you don't.
8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not to girls that want real relationships. (Performance level and love counts but not lust!)
9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.(Surely,you suck sometimes.)
10. A system in your car only impresses your hoes and your homeboys not us.(So,tone it down it's deafening!)
11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.(All you're girls and EXs except me!)
12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.(Better be aware of our feelings!)
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't,apologize.
14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
15. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.(We don't like it when you compare us to other girls!)
16. We are Drama queens.
17. Fashion police do exist.
18. Don't ask us to give you head;we're not hoes!(But if you are nice you just might get it.)
19. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about... in other words shut the fuck up about it.
20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.(But it doesn't mean we wanted sex!)
21. We don't shave our legs everyday so get over it.
22. Don't make bets about us; we will always find out.(We're not on race nor we are any casino games.)
23. Shave; no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we always hate it.
24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it isnt, so DONT.
25. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's; hers are fake, just remember that. ( u have a better shot at ours than you ever will with hers, you may as well give it up now)
26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.(Discard it on proper places. Snots should stay on your noses if it can't be discarded properly!)
27. We are beautiful at all times.(Every girl is different from the other,you must REMEMBER that!)
28. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't.
29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell can't you piss in the toilet and not on it.(And please FLUSH!)

30. Most importantly: we are always right; so don't forget it.

Benefits Of Being A Woman

We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We never ejaculate prematurely. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous--guys look like complete idiots in ours. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get out of speeding fines. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxis stop for us. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. We don't look like a frog in a blender when we dance. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies (you get the point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. We know the truth about whether size matters. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're not the devil. Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex. If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. We can sleep our way to the top. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected. WE never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. We're NOT men.

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