Sometimes Just Shutting Up Numbs Up The Pain

I have realized these past few weeks that sometimes just shutting yourself out of everything and just ignoring everything even yourself numbs up the pain that they ara causing you. And just by busying yourself up to the point that your body could no longer carry on could diminish the stress of being on the verge of freaking out...Though at times i had this slight tinge of emptiness inside...but the tranquility of shutting out yourself from anyone is quite restoring and though not thoroughly calming, it could still mend up my already almost crumbling sanity...Yeah, this blast of blunders may quite sound odd but sometimes it makes sense than just keeping it to myself...At least it keeps me sustained and i allowed me to breathe slightly easier than i used to...

I started writing hate letters and sometimes sad letters..the type that shows my love, my hatred and my anguish...which could make one person really sigh with exasperation! Yet, all these letters went just straight to my bag...all of 'em unsent...i made 'em just to release what's in my head...those thoughts that clouded my head, making me dysfunctional...Yeah it's true, he went out every night and went home around 3:30 or 4:00am...but, i'm not at all bothered and sleepless as i used to...i have learned to accept it though at times even if i'm not waiting for him...my body clock told me to...maybe it's just because i got so much used to waiting in vain for how many years...True, i have learned how many stupid bitches he's been dating, screwing, or having fun with but i didn't bother asking him anymore, not even tried prying on his mobile phone or wallet secretly and then weep unknowingly as before...I just decided to stop looking at him, stop taking care of him and somehow it works quite good on me...maybe at the back of my mind i know that maybe i still do love him because i still got hurt when accidentally i saw this girl's picture wallpapered on his smart amazing phone...(maybe he just finished using the phone when i passed by and so the backlight was still glowing) i don't even know the girl and i did not bother knowing her at all, i just felt a slight tinge of pain...maybe i was insulted, maybe my pride was scratched up a bit...maybe that, but that's about it.i'm not so sure though...because even if i tried missing him, i just don't miss him anymore...maybe i just got tired of loving him so much even if i'm unloved that maybe i have learned not to love him anymore...Maybe those rumors that if you gave your all without saving up a bit of loving for yourself...you would runout of love in the end...i don't even feel interested at all on him...maybe they would never believe me but this is true...that's why i'm putting it in here because i felt satisfaction even if not wholly but i can't share it to anyone for the reason that i might be rejected, i might not be believed and i might be accused of sheer plasticity that's why i just kept this to myself...

These are all expressions...I'm not saying that i'm happy because NO, i'm not...but right now i'm quite contented with this set - up.I don't get forced to have intercourse even if i hated or i don't want it which makes it easier for me because i don't have to oblige myself to give in just because i love him and just because i live in this damn house,NOPE and another one's i don't have to act as if i'm enjoying doing it without love at all...In short, having him out of his room - our room - now, me and my daughter's room is so much convenient for me...my daughter won't see us quarreling or doing it and get affected or traumatized...and i get to heal this damn infection i got from him (who else?) because he's doing it with everybody...and i could rest better after a long day's workload without someone pestering me or pissing me off....besides, i don't go out for check-ups and for further medication now that i'm almost five months pregnant due to lack of support from 'em so i guess this locking up myself to his reality and the reality of our so-called relationship helps me in ways that he never could...It's not that happy but at least it makes me feel okay... and i'm contented for now...

- Blank Mood and Contented

08/31/05 2:47pm - 4:03pm Wednesday

What Guys Should Know About Girls

1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.(Don't YOU wonder how!)
2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you like hoes as much as you enjoy listening.
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.(You only tell that to shut us up!)
4. Girls are pretty, but yours is ALWAYS the Prettiest!(Don't ever compare us to others!)
5. You don't have PMS; don't fuckin act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a Big Dick; we know you don't.
8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not to girls that want real relationships. (Performance level and love counts but not lust!)
9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.(Surely,you suck sometimes.)
10. A system in your car only impresses your hoes and your homeboys not us.(So,tone it down it's deafening!)
11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.(All you're girls and EXs except me!)
12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.(Better be aware of our feelings!)
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't,apologize.
14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
15. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.(We don't like it when you compare us to other girls!)
16. We are Drama queens.
17. Fashion police do exist.
18. Don't ask us to give you head;we're not hoes!(But if you are nice you just might get it.)
19. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about... in other words shut the fuck up about it.
20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.(But it doesn't mean we wanted sex!)
21. We don't shave our legs everyday so get over it.
22. Don't make bets about us; we will always find out.(We're not on race nor we are any casino games.)
23. Shave; no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we always hate it.
24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it isnt, so DONT.
25. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's; hers are fake, just remember that. ( u have a better shot at ours than you ever will with hers, you may as well give it up now)
26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.(Discard it on proper places. Snots should stay on your noses if it can't be discarded properly!)
27. We are beautiful at all times.(Every girl is different from the other,you must REMEMBER that!)
28. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't.
29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell can't you piss in the toilet and not on it.(And please FLUSH!)

30. Most importantly: we are always right; so don't forget it.

Benefits Of Being A Woman

We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We never ejaculate prematurely. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous--guys look like complete idiots in ours. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get out of speeding fines. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxis stop for us. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. We don't look like a frog in a blender when we dance. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies (you get the point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. We know the truth about whether size matters. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're not the devil. Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex. If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. We can sleep our way to the top. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected. WE never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. We're NOT men.

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So Unloved for Someone So Fine

I'm at a loss on what to say, i don't even know what to think... only hater and self - pity and confusion lingered in my head...I haven't got the least bit of strength left for me... I 'm on the verge of giving up.What's this that's happening to me?I don't even know myself anymore...everytime I stared at the mirror I only saw someone else whom I've never known nor noticed before.Who's this loser staring back at me?Who's this woman who doesn't know how to love herself at all,i can't even remember when she had emerged?maybe the right the day when she started learning to love unconditionally and gave up everything she had, fame, stability, inner peace, set of friends,cliche, everything...even her personality in exchange for living in hell with that person who never cared at all whatever happened to her nor if ever she existed at all.

I kept on thinking, if I had been so selfish and if I have never been so giving and so understanding and so forgiving and so accepting...and so blind and so deaf and so mute on everything would I still feel like this?Would I still cry rivers on each unguarded moments?On each chance that i'm alone and had my privacy to grieve?Would I be any happier? Would I be anything but volatile? Why hadn't i seen this before? I'm ruining my life because he's driving me up to the wall and it's quite too late for me to blow my horns or set the pedal and send my brakes slamming and screeching into a halt? Maybe... but, i never did something to stop this because I'm way too busy doing everything to stop any possibility of falling out of love and waking up to get out of this hell's pit that i'm in...

Now, I'm at a loss of what to do...i defied what i have taken so much effort to do (leaving him) and plunged into this promising hoax of a job in order to support my kids and then drove my way back to this nightmarish life. And what did I got?betrayal right there on that freakin' job (financed by his parents - no choice)... ending up with no job at all and a huge damning frustration plus the burden of how am I gonna pay that freakin' 11k they had spent on me...Not only that, I ended up getting so mind-splitting pregnant again plus a bonus of INFECTION on my outer genitalia that has caused me to feel so much lesser and so much smaller than before... There's more, when his ma learned about it, well, she declared that twas my fault (me? why me? i don't even like it!) and that she don't care about us nor this damn baby at all...As if i'm the one dirty, as if everything that he's been doing is all my mistake!Why do I get all these I don't even deserve any of these at all...It doesn't stop there, that maddening old hag of his ancestor was damning me out of my mind... kept on telling and spinning gossip about me...even having all the guts to rule over anybody else and decide as if she owned my firstborn which definitely got under my skin, send shivers right through my spine and some occasional trickles of tears gushing out of my eyes.

When will I stop deserting myself, i don't really know and then when will I start staying with myself, I'm not really sure about. All these little rejections and then all these taking for granted left me feeling so ungood, so worthless, so ignorant, so thrown away, so much ditched...I'm so off the ledge and I can't seem to get away from it all...I know it's insane to keep on hugging one's own nightmarish fate yet i kept on clinging to it...What makes me sick even more is the fact that everybody seemed to put the blame on me...I thought i'd never react, I thought I could just endure everything but...there's too much rage inside me and there's too much pain inside me...and there's way too many scars in my heart that's throbbing and stinging me, drilling a hole in my head and splitting my dignity into many shredded fragments...What i can't understand is why are those people around me so unfair, why do they saw what's bad what's wrong with me yet they could never see what's happening to me, what they are doing or what some people are doing to me?I don't get it...instead, they tend to believe those who lied and tend to deny or cover up those who messed up rather than trying to listen to me...they only hear what i tell 'em but they never listened...nobody seemed to listen to me and that scarred me even more...here i am, i'm not telling any lies since i'm afraid i'd slip if i tried lying even once...then there they are ignoring me judging me, misunderstanding me...vindicating me, crushing me even more...How about him?No bruise at all?He made up all these mess, he smashed me down so low, he plunged me end left me to drown in his own quicksand of lies and of immorality even if i've avoided doing something to demoralize myself even more as he has demoralized me so much more than i deserve...The irony?He practically got away with it,with hands holographically clean of all those exploits and rottened discriminations and polygamy...with the help of his allies...I kept on crying every time i'm alone, i kept on weeping every time i remembered...i'm drowning and i'm on my own...it's like i'm parachuting, he had dropped me in the air then left me fly without the parachute...it's like an emergency, i'm running out of oxygen and then no one was there to hear me scream for help...and hten somewhere else he knew it and was like a ticking bomb..counting his guts out the rest of the moment left for me to die...It's so sick...this is sick I know...but if I won't put it here I think I'll go straight to the looney bin and no question about it...

Maybe...just maybe, if it weren't for my three-year-old daughter who's continuously loving me, who's untiringly cheering me up...who's right there to support me, to cheer me up to talk me out of this day and night i'd be probably dead...she told me she'll always be there, she'll never leave me, she'lll be sad with me, or be happy with me and even cry with me if she had to just so I won't be alone...That, and more...a three-year-old girl could do better than any of my friends, siblings, confidants and parents...she told me she doesn't like it that her older sister doesn't love me...she told me she doesn't like it that her father trashes me like that if only she could do something about it...she's so mature and sounded off like an 18-year old yaung lady... she's the only one who made any sense to me at all...despite the fact that sometimes, those sudden burst of anger and hatred and frustrations...i flared up at her unintentionally yet she understood even not the words that i've been telling her but the feelings of exasperation that i'm experiencing...and she says sorry to me...maybe for annoying me, maybe for pulling the plug and letting a slight surge of anger out of me...maybe because she don't completely understand me at all but she knew how exactly could she pacify me and calm me into halt...All that and the overflowing hugs and kisses and never ending "i love you, Mommys" coming from her...that made me go on even if i have long given up already...it's all because of her...who understand me more than anybody else, who stood by me more than any body else...I may exist still as glum and worthless-looking as a living-dead...but dead men don't die...and dead men could talk their heart out...

FOR YOU!

KARMA
Alicia Keys

Weren’t you the one who said that you don’t want me anymore
And how you need your space and give the keys back to your door

And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me

And still you said your love was gone and that I had to leave

Now you’re Talking bout a family

Now you’re saying I complete your dreams

Oh

Now you’re sayin I’m your everything

You’re confusing me

What you saying to me, don’t play wit me, don’t play wit me

Cause….

What goes around comes around

What goes up must come down

Now who’s cryin’, desirin’ to come back to me

I remember when I was sittin home alone

Waitin for you til 3 o’clock in the ‘morn

And when you came home you’d always have some sorry excuse

Half explaining to me like I’m just some kind of a fool

I sacrificed the things I wanted just to do things for you

But when it’s time to do for me

You never come thru

Now you wanna be up under me

Now you have so much to say to me

Now you wanna make time for me

Whatcha doin to me, you’re confusin me

Don’t play with me don’t play with me cause

What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who’s cryin’, desirin’ to come back to me

I remember when I was sittin home alone

Waitin for you till 3 o’clock in the ‘morn

Night after night knowing something goin on

Wasn’t long before I be gone

Lord knows it wasn’t easy believe me

Never thought you’d be the one that would deceive me

And never do what you’re supposed to do

No need to approach me fool, cuz I’m over you

Gotta stop trying to come back to me

It’s called Karma baby and it goes around

Someone I Shouldn't Have Taken For Granted...

My Boo
USHER & ALICIA KEYS

[Usher intro:]
There's always that one person
That will always have your heart
You'll never see it coming
Cause you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me
It's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby ooh you'll always be my boo

[Alicia intro:]
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
This is the only way
We know how to rock
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
This is the only way
We know how to rock

[Usher verse:]
Do you remember girl
I was the one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl
I was the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and
People screaming your name
Girl I was there when you were my baby

[Chorus:]
[Usher:]
It started when we were younger
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taking over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

[Alicia:]
I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide my boo
Even though there's another man who's in my life
You will always be my boo

[Alicia verse:]
Yes I remember boy
Cause after we kissed
I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy
The moment I knew you were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame
And people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby

[Chorus:]
[Usher:]
It started when we were younger
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taking over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

[Alicia:]
I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide my boo
Even though there's another man who's in my life
You will always be my boo

[Usher:]
My oh, My oh, My oh, My oh, My Boo

[Alicia:]My oh, My oh, My oh, My oh, My Boo

[Chorus:]
[Usher:]
It started when we were younger
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taking over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

[Alicia & Usher:]
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
This is the only way
We know how to rock
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
This is the only way
We know how to rock

I remember as i was trying to relax and forget about these problems that's mushrooming all around me...i played some selection of videos in my media player...suddenly, mem'ries came rushing out of my head... I remember this boy who used to be my boo...he's the only one who made me so important...he told me how sad he became when he learned that this guy i loved so much treated me like a trash when for him...my name is a poetry enough...how he touched my heart...i thought i have almost fallen for him again...if only i could love him more than i should...but then...time and distance and priorities became a huge hindrance between us...i dunno we just drifted apart after some months when we reconnected last year...maybe it was fate...i dunno. yet i remembered when he told me..."if one day, peach you woke up and you realized nobody knows the real you... who you really are...and then you felt like nobody loves you or no one wanted to love you anymore...just look for me, find me and i'll be there for you..." That i remember! Also the time when he proposed to me and said he'd rather take me back and away again from that person i loved much who never loved me if only i would allow him and want him to...that touched me...i almost cried i told him...if only we could change situations, if only we could turn back time...i shouldn't have exchanged him with this person who is a total jerk... i shouldn't...yet i will always remember what i vaugely told him...that if i had a change of heart...if after five years starting 2004 to 2009 (hopefully) and i haven't married the jerk yet...i will accept him back and let him marry me...well, that is if he would still want me...he's the one who introduced me to this song...he told me...it sounds like our story...yeah the chorus especially...and i would always remember him through usher's songs...BURN and this... and through alicia keys'...he would always be my boo...

- i missed him mood...

(no,not who you think...the other one...)

july 03 2005, 11:05 pm

PC, Blogging

I Won't Have Gone Down the Drain If I Hadn't....

i do had this great urge to post something in here about 4 days ago. The DSL won't cooperate with me though and i wasn't able to open this website till now.I don't really know what to post in here at the moment since my rage and my hatred quite subsided...though it still lingered in me...it wasnt as intense 4 days ago as it was today...i'm at a loss on what ton pour out... I do need to inwind to unload this damning, freaking mind stressing burden that's raising hell in my life right now...i can't even cry anymore...it's like drowning and then wans't able to see any sign of help at all. I do not wish to be in this situation much more than how i never wanted to be here in the first place...i wish i didn't have kids to look after to, much more than i didn't have them to sacrifice myself this much...i shouldn't have plunged into this uncertain job in the first place...now i would have to bear with everything that's happening to me..i would have to endure the pain that it's causing me...i would have to get low, get blind to those who are pulling me down, drowning me and ditching me to the drain...i don't intend to be this way...i even hated morphing into someone i don't know at all...i'm like a person trapped into someone else's body...i can feel so unsexy for someone who's so beautiful, so unloved for someone so fine, i can feel so dumb for someone with substance and i can feel so boring for someone so interesting and so ignorant for someone of sound mind, and i'm wondering why is that so? i don't even know who am i going to trust...i don't even know where am i going to or whom am i gonna feel secure with...i'm a relationship doormat i have been the first, yes i am but still i have been the perennial spare for chrissake!Now, i'm into a situation where i am quite worried and stressed out and all drained up...now i'm having a new life inside me whom i could've removed out of frustration, confusion and being scared...but, i don't know where to go, or hide for support, protection or even a little affection...all these rejection are piling up and these little abandonment seemed to add up so quickly and sting me easily...all these little protections from those who cared and all these little defenses and projections don't even seem to help me...they failed to give me security...and the fortress and wall i have built up around me. i don't know if it's my job to keep going still even if i'm quite unable? I don't know if it's my calling to be selfless extraordinaire where my generosity made me disabled by this sense of duty to offer despite abandonment and ungrateful sucker who benefits from me...i shouldn't have given myself this much worst treatment that i hadn't even done to anybody else but myself...it's sickening...but sometimes i don't even know if i'm a dead man walking yet that's how i feel. It's like i'm in a dead end of a deserted street with nowhere to go to and then i end up having no choice at all but to plunge into the risk...i hate it that i have to do it over and over again...i do i have to feel this motherly instinct inside me that would do anything and i mean ANYTHING for my kids...it's tiring and frustrating...it's like i'm going round and round in circles...no aim, no goal, no nothing...why, i don't even wanna feel this way, i don't know why no one would even wanna listen or believe me even if i'm downright telling the truth...not even one in this so called chaotic family-mommy-wife life that i'm living did anybody believed me, ever...then i'll learn soon enough that it's better and well quite lucky for those who lied because they were believed and then i looked stupid as i always ended up...i don't wanna die because my children needs me but that's what i feel...how i do wanted to end up this life..i don't think i could finish this journey to hell and still be sane...i wanted to scream, to trash, to throw things and to deliberately cry my heart out...why do i have to grow up and stay good all my life to end up becoming the great loser of all time...i'm hurt, so much hurt yet i can't do anything about it... how would i ignore everything even if i'm advised to do so... why is it that it's me whom they would always wanted to shut up...i can't give a good rationalization why they would always want me to be blind and mute and suppress every truth i know...why can't they just treat me good?it's so crazying feeling this way...so unloved, so disrespected, so misjudged...i've never been any happier with you... and this is the price i have to pay for giving up all that i have...for loving every person unconditionally?it's sick!

I'm So Damn Pissed Off Right Now,It's Way Too Obvious!!!

Sometimes, i feel so goddamn irritated and so freakin' annoyed at those people whom i ain't got no power at all to contradict...maybe because things aren't ot of my grasp and things are just freakin' blocked by unavoidable circumstances that's squeezin' my freakin' head to be on the verge of bein' so damn pissed off! I kind of hate it when the situation calls for me to assert my right yet things get so crammed off and so jammed up and i feel maimed and unable to do somethin' to get this out of my system...AAARRGHH!!!Things are gettin' under my skin nowadays...why on earth do i be this unlucky to have all this kind of bloody problems that's pavin' my way down the looney bin!I feel so motherfuckin' frustrated and i feel too stupid and so damn useless. Boy, do i feel this wasted havin' to deal with watching my miserable life goin' down the drain...Even so that i really wanna do it my way...Why do i never had any freakin' chance of getting a stroke of luckiness, for chrissake!?! Just now, i'm bloggin' and ranting my guts out in this blog to release my hatred and my fuming anger...after a long time of silence and of shutting up!I still have a lot of freakin' stuff to unload here just so because i'm at my wits end but...i gotta go and induce some medicine on the stubbornest kid in the whole wide world!MY FIRSTBORN!

27, MAY 2005

started: 09:57pm

finished: 10:18pm

screwed up & pissed off mood

I Took the test and this is what i got...

What Kind of Sexy Are You? - What type of sexy are you? Find out what's hot about you!

You Are Boyish Sexy. You're the kind of girl who gets along with all the boys. Whether it's holding your own in a game of touch football...Or kicking some major butt while playing Xbox. You hang with the guys easily, while still keeping your girly sexiness.
What super heroine are you? - Obviously, you kick butt. But which butt kicking superhero are you most like?
You Are Buffy the Vampire Slayer "We saved the world. I say we have to party."

What Gemstone Are You? - What precious gem best fits your personality?

Your Gemstone is Aquamarine. Intuitive, tranquil, and trusting. You inspire others to have faith in themselves.

Does He Only Love You For Your Body? - Is your guy into you for the right or wrong reasons?

He Loves You For You. When it comes to your body, your guy hardly notices. It's nothing to do with the way you look...He's just has really fallen for you. But make sure to stay sexy - keep the chemistry going strong!

What Muse Are You? - No question about it, you inspire others. But what about you is most inspiring?

Your Inner Muse is Melpomene. You are most like this muse of tragedy. While you aren't depressed, you don't shy away from sadness. Although you do tend to be gloomy, you have a sensitive side. And this sensitive side helps inspire and help others.

What Scent Are You? - What's your inner scent? Your results may surprise you!

Your Scent is Pumpkin Pie. Warm, comforting, and a bit old fashioned. You've got what men want - believe it or not!

What's Your Kissing Style? - Are you an intense, passionate, soft, or sensitive kisser? Find out now!

You Are a Soft Kisser. Your kissing style is understated, but effective. You give soft, sweet, and soulful kisses to your special guy. And that's the key: he's got to be special to get your kiss. Because you don't just go around kissing anyone

What Kind of Chocolate Are You? - Are you sweet like white chocolate? Or flavorful like dark chocolate?

You are Milk Chocolate. A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds. You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life. Also nostalgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

How Do Men See You? - Have you ever wondered how men see you? Wonder no longer...!

Men See You As Choosy. Men notice you light years before you notice them. You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky. You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter. It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

Who Are Your Celebrity Sisters? - What celebrity pair of sisters have the most in common with you?

Your Celebrity Sisters Are Jessica and Ashlee. Beautiful, feminine, and stylish. Who care's if you're a bit of a daddy's girl?

What Hairstyle Is Right For You? - What hairstyle will look best on you? 23 possible outcomes.

Your Ideal Hairstyle: Soft Layers

What Girl Group Should You Be In? - What girl group is the best match for you? How would you rock out?

You Should Be In TLC. You aren't afraid to speak (or sing!) your mind. Your sassy attitude shines - and you totally keep it real.

What Color is Your Passion? - Is your passion a fiery red, a rich purple, or a calm pink? Take this quiz to find out

Your Passion is Purple! You’ve got a ton of passion, but you don't always wear it on your sleeve. If something truly excites you, you let your inner intensity shine through. But otherwise, your passion tends to morph into energy ... which you never lack. You’re a balanced woman, knowing when to turn on the fire in your heart.

What Kind of Girl Are You? - What kind of girl are you? Find out what girlish archetype best matches you.

You are a Brainy Girl! Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books. You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more. For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests. An awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Famous Pinup Are You? - What famous pinup girl are you most like?

You are Brigitte Bardot. Naturally sensual and beautiful. You're an exotic beauty who turns heads everywhere. You've got a look that's one of a kind

How Much of a Flirt Are You? - How much of a flirt are you? Take this quiz and see how you compare!

You are 33% Flirt Out of 229794 people the average score was 63%

What Goddess Are You? - Embrace your inner goddess. Find her with this fun quiz!

You Are Artemis! Brave, and a natural born leader. You’re willing to fight for what you believe in...And willing to make tough decisions. Don’t forget - the people around you have ideas too!

What's Your Power Color? - What's your power color? Take this personality test to find out!

Your Power Color is Green. You feel most at home in a world of ideas. You're curious and logical - and enjoy a good intellectual challenge. You're super cool, calm, and collected. Very little tries your patience. Your only fear? People not realizing how smart and able you are!

What Kind of Bra Are You? - What kind of bra matches your personality? Black and satin? Or white and cotton?

You Are a Lace Bra! Dreamy, romantic, and ultra-feminine. You're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like men. Your perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsome. With a softer side that only you can draw out

What Season Are You? - What season are you most like? Take this quiz to find out!

You Are Fall! Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart

What Kind of Panties Are You? - What kind of panties are you? Lacey and sophisticated? Or feminine and girly?

You Are Old Fashioned Undies! You're conservative and a bit unsure of your sexy-ness. Unleash that tigress a little more - she's dying to get out. Men think you're a nice girl, a little too nice to date. Go wild with a sexy g-string... and totally up your confidence!

Who's Your Inner Rock Chick? - Which rock chick best matches your personality? Take this quiz to find out!

You Are Avril Lavigne! A bit hardcore on the outside...But sweet and sensitive on the inside. "It's a damn cold night. Trying to figure out this life"

Where Will You Find Love? - Where will you find love? Take this quiz to set you on the right track to finding your next guy!

You'll Find Love Through Friends. Your friends get you better than any guy ever has. And they're the perfect people to introduce you to your soulmate. So look and act you're best with them, even if it's a girl's night out. You never know who they might find for you!

What Scent Are You? - What scent best matches your personality? Take this quiz to find out.

Your Scent is Glow Fresh, sexy, and clean. You're real, intimate, and exciting. Your lush sensuality appeals to men...And you're as sexy as Jennifer Lopez. Power scents: Orange flower, grapefruit, and citrus.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You? - What flavor ice cream are you? Are you funky like mint chocolate chip? Or flexible like vanilla?

You Are Vanilla Ice Cream! Flexible, easy-going and classic

What Do Guys Like About You? - Are guys drawn to your charm? Your ability to hang like one of the guys? Your deep sensitivity? Find out what guys like about you!

Guys Like That You're Sensitive. And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way. You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to. Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets. No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Kind of Pj's Are You? - Are you sexy pj's? Comfy pj's? Or nothing at all...?

The PJ's You Are Most Like: Underwear. You enjoy the simple things in life and aren't hard to please. You have an understated, easy sexiness that men love. And you're confident enough to pull it off - without being overbearing

What's Your True Zodiac Sign? - Are you a Gemini trapped with a Virgo birthday? Or is your true sign the same as your sun sign?

Your True Sign Is Leo Urbane Dominant Flamboyant Drama Queen 100%Original Attention-Whore Just A Little Snobby Optimistic and Enthusiastic

What Type of Beauty Are You? - Are you a one of a kind exotic beauty? A classic, timeless beauty? Or another kind of pretty?

You Are a Natural Beauty! You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about...One that looks good in the morning - without a stitch of makeup. That's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic though. You have style, but for you, style is effortless

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? - Are you an easy girlfriend to get along with? Or are you hell on wheels?

You Are A Professional Girlfriend! You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like? - This quiz pick which Sex and the City character best matches your dating style - and makes a prediction for your romantic future!

You Are Most Like Miranda! While you've had your fair share of romance, men don't come first. Guys are a distant third to your friends and career. And this independence *is* attractive to some men, in measured doses. Remember that if you imagine the best outcome, it might just happen. Romantic prediction: Someone from your past is waiting to reconnect...But you'll have to think of him differently, if you want things to work.

Are You a Party Girl? - Are you a party girl? Or do you keep things low key?

You Are a Good Girl! You're into fun - but it has to be your own brand of fun Drinking? No thanks. You rather spend your time differently... Whether it's talking with friends, taking up a hobby, or reading. You're not the type to socialize just for socializing's sake!

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You? - Is your lip gloss flavor funky, sweet, classic, or unique?

Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Cotton Candy. You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on. You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals. Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have. No wonder Cotton Candy is your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!

Are You Attractive? - Are you a total guy magnet? Or are you scaring guys away without knowing it?

You've Got Guys Lined Up Around the Block. While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's...You get the most dates of any girl you know. It's your whole five star package that attracts men -Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue.

Are You Confident? - Do you think the world of yourself? Or do you lack a bit of self esteem?

You're Confident... Sometimes. You can seem confident when the occasion calls for it. But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt. A little more inner confidence could take you far...And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem

Are You Crushing on Him (And Don't Even Know It)? - Are you crushing on him? You may be... and not even know it. Take this quiz to find out the truth.

Nah, No Sparks Right Now. You and your guy friend are just that... friends. At least, that's how you see your relationship with him. Could things change later? Of course - and you know that. Friends make the best boyfriends, so don't discount him completely.

Are You a Drama Queen? - Are you the type of girl who needs waterproof mascara? Or do you keep your cool, no matter what?

You are a No Drama Mama! No need for drama, you just chill out and don't let things bother you. You've got a peaceful, zen-like attitude... even when things get crazy. You're a pleasure to be around, and you have lots of friends to show for it. You don't need to be the center of attention, you're happy enough as is!

What Kind of Bikini Are You? - What kind of bikini are you? Find out which suit matches your personality - and complements your body!

You Are a Boy Shorts Bikini! You're a sexy girl - but not the type that likes to let it all hang out. You are in to a little of everything at the beach - swimming, tanning, playing. And when you're running around, you'll be sure your butt isn't falling out of your suit

Are You A Girl or a Woman? - Do people think of you as a girl or a woman? This quiz will let you know!

Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman. Inside you've got the passion and ideals of a teenager. And your intensity for life is what attracts most of the men you date. You also like to party - and quite often you're the life of the party. You've brought the best of your younger years with you... at least most of the time.

Are You Jealous? - Do you have a bad case of the green eyed monster? Or do you play it cool?

Not a Jealous Bone in Your Body. You're secure, trusting, and giving with friends and lovers. And while you may have been hurt before, you've bounced back. You're generally happy with your life - and no one's grass is greener than yours. One word of caution: some may see your lack of jealousy as indifference!

What Kind of Ex Are You? - Are you a friendly ex girlfriend? Or do your exes secretly label you as "psycho"?

You Are an Indifferent Ex. You're not one of those girls who thinks about her exes - or even remembers them. "Love 'em and Leave 'em" is your motto. And your break ups tend to be a clean break. It's a nice strategy to have, and guys appreciate your total lack of emotional baggage. But just a little reminder: it is okay to remember the good parts of your past, even with exes.

Is He a Keeper? - Should you keep your guy around? Or should you kick him to the curb?

He's a Mixed Bag! Sure, your guy is there for you - when it works for him. But will he really give you what you want over time? The news is hard to take, but... probably not It seems like your guy does care about you on some level. But he's doing the bare minimum to keep your relationship going. Give him some time alone - and let him find out what it takes to win you back

What Shoe Are You? - Do you have the attitude of big black boots? Or the carefree sprit of barefeet?

You are Sneakers! You're an active girl, who's all about function. You dress for the occasion - comfort comes first. Your perfect guy? Someone who can keep up with you. You'll find him - but you might have to slow down to see him!

Do You Ruin Relationships? - Do you sabatoge a good thing? Or are you the type that tries to rescue the most helpless of relationships?

You Are A Relationship Doormat! Surprise, you ruin relationships. Bet you didn't see that one coming :-)While you're a nice, understanding, and caring girlfriend - you don't put your needs first. And deep down, it's probably because you worry about getting dumped. So speak up for yourself, weed out the losers sooner, and you'll find a guy that *deserves* you.

Will He Commit? - Will your guy commit to you? Or will he hit the highway when the next girl comes along?

There's No Way He'll Commit. Maybe you haven't known each other long...And that's why he's acting a bit sketchy. But if you've been together for a few months, then you've got to let him go. Because he's not looking to put a ring on your finger - ever. This guy's not going to change for you, or any other woman.

How Long Will Your Relationship Last? - Will your relationship stand the test of time? Or will it expire as quickly as that hummus in your fridge?

You've Got a Year or Two, At Most. This may be hard for you to swallow, but you and your guy might not last. At least not forever. He's somewhere between Mr. Right... and Mr. Right Now. No doubt your guy is a great catch - and generally good to you. The odds are, however, that someone better is out there

What's Your Inner Eye Color? - Does your natural eye color match your personality? Or is your inner eye color entirely different from the eyes you were born with?

Your Inner Eye Color Is Blue. You've got the personality of a blue eyed woman. You're intense and expressive - and always on the go. You've also got a sweet, playful side - which draws men in. If your eyes aren't naturally blue, consider playing around with colored contacts

What Handbag Are You? - Which handbag bets fits your personality? Flirty? Classic? Hobo?

You Are A BCBG Black Leather Clutch. You're a modern, urban chick who's more than a little tough (Well, as tough as you can be while carrying a purse)Black leather is like your denim - goes good with everything. You'd even wear it to work, if you could get away with it

Are You Right or Left Brained In Love? - What side of your brain rules when it comes to love? Logic or emotion?

You Are Right Brained In Love. Bit of a drama queen. Peacemaker, first to end a fight. Good at thinking up creative dates. Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily. Going with your gut instead of your head. Empathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault. Good at recognizing patterns in relationships. Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count. Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love. Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow. Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind. Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

What Do Guys Think of Your Hair? - Does your hair scream sexy? Confident? Smart? This quiz decodes your hairstyle through male eyes.

What Guys Think of Your Long Straight Hair...Sexy, desirable, and hard to please. A girl who's so stunning that you've got them lined up around the block!

Is He More Than a Friend? - Are you and your guy friend destined to be more than friends? Take this quiz to determine your romantic potential!

You Are Friends With Potential. There's a little spark going on here, no question about it. Will this develop into a hot romance? Look to your guy friend for clues. Does he flirt with all his female friends? Or are you an exception? If he's giving you special treatment, you've won a part of his heart already.

What Kind of Flirt Are You? - Is your flirting style over the top and confident? Friendly and free spirted? Or coy and subtle?

You Are a Coy Flirt! You're not so much a flirt as the type of girl who draws flirts in. While you look like you're just relaxing, secretly you've got your game on. A little look here, a little wink there... you give men the encouragement they crave. And in return, they flirt up a storm with you - while you just sit and smile

Is He Into You? - Is your crush crushing on you back? Or is romance with you the last thing on his mind?

Hmmm... Maybe He's Interested! He seems to be giving you mixed or muted signals. Which may mean you've been giving him the wrong messages. When he pauses to notice you, give him a little more attention. A little encouragement may go a long way with this guy!

To all my friends...

Hey,guys...i know im not a100% angel though at times i've tried to be a 100% angel...i know i've been a bitch in my own way because i have been bitching you out and pissed you guys,off at times... Yet now, im gonna leave this place to get a life... to mend my broken wings and nurse my wounded heart...to start picking up and try to piece back all the shattered parts of my smashed up life...but don't you guys worry because you know how much i loved you all...Sus,lam nyo nman na nahulog na ang puso q sa inyong lhat...kya nga im writing this message pra mlaman nyo na MAMIMISS KO PO TALAGA KAYO LAHAT!Naiiyak na nga aq...oh well,so much for that...i'm just gonna do some make-over sa already losyang na life ko...pagka-full charge na po aq...im gonna be back with vengeance...harharhar...and dont you worry guys ksi im gonna keep in touch with you all if possible...im only doing this to try to find my old self again...ung dting peach...ung mabait,goody-two-shoed,straight-laced at DSWD ka-giving na peach...ung dting peach na khit na inaapi na d lmalaban...ung hehehe...iyak lng ang galit...pg ok na po aq at nktpos na po aq ng studies q 4 my kids...im gonna be back...at hahanapin q kaung lhat...at rarampa tau...wahihihihi!So so long mga friends q...im gonna miss you,all...I love you,all... ska e2 pla...kc pasko na...giving dw pg pasko...pka pwede na rn aq mkahingi ng testi...wehehehe...ska ung mga thoughtful...pwede rng in kind...or in cash...(JOKE!)di bsta 2mawag lng po kau sa # sa ibaba,ok na un:

house # 1(most likely permanent residence)

(054)446-6503 (sa bayantel subscriber...local call lng po ito)

house # 2 (mom's hideaway...pgminsan-minsan)

(054)721-4554 (digitel po ito kya malamang...long distance at digikard ang ktapat)

sa mobile q po:(dnt wori d aq mgppalit ng # 4u ol!)(

0926)311-7775 (ung magsishare-a-load very much welcome rn po...weeeeee!)

oh, ayan pg may nkalimot...tche!tampo na aq dun...bhala xha kng cno man mkalimot...d q na luv...wehehehe!JOKE lng!)Oh paano...mtatagalan po aq na di mkkpgfwendstr at gnbound...txt-txt na lng...bhira na aq nyan mkkpg-online!)GodBless at Joyeaux Noel sa inyo lhat...!)

Lovemuch,

Peaches

This is the Explanation:

In our relationship...a fairytale turned rotten and all...i dedicate these poems...(12/15/99 -12/15/04)to close our long time turbulent arguments and painful fight...to bury the already dead relationship which died long before i realized it was already a platonic one...Now this might be unread by you but still i'll gamble right before i leave a week from now...if ever i have caused a lot of pain as much as you have caused me...i really am so sorry and i regretted all of it...and for all that we had...for all that has been and for all that shouldnt be...i'm sorry and i thank you if there's anything to be thankful about...i'm sure gonna miss you....what is five years,anyway?but still i have to pick up the pieces of my already ruined and smashed up life....hoping i could mend it all again and praying that time and a new place would heal the wounds our relationship has caused if not totally erase the scars my foolish love for you has made me pay a very expensive price...

-right here i'll remain still,
Peaches

Some Poems that Has Touched My Heart!(Well, I could relate...)

I'll Never Love Anyone the Way I Love You

In loving you , i have experienced

the happiness, the hurt,

the feeling of forever,

the need to be with you and love you.

It's all here inside of me.

it's you i always think about,

It's you i always miss,

and it will always be you,

because you are the one i love.

To me love means forever.

No one will ever take your place

or know me as you do.

You always know what i'm thinking

and what i'm feeling deep down.

I'll never love anyone

the way i love you...

- Geralynne Dodgen

Seems like after all we've been through

We would have learned by now

never to fight for who gets the last word

It doesn't matter anyhow

But around and around we go in circles

Trying to work things through

And sometimes it feels like miles between us...

But i love you so much that in spite of the struggle

I keep coming back to you

- Beth Nielsen Chapman and Bill Lloyd,

(from the song, "I Keep Coming Back to You")

I'm Sorry for the Times When I Get Angry

I'm sorry for those times

when i'm not who i should be,

when i grow impatient

and frustrated

because things don't work out.

I know that you, too,

have things on your mind,

and i have no right to become upset with you.

It's just hard sometimes to understand the way things go wrong,

and i wanted you to know

that i'm sorry for those times when i become harsh and angry with you.

I hope ou can understand and forgive me.

-Bethanie Jean Brevik

I Thanked You Deeply for Being the

Person Whom I Love

It seems like the more I love you
the more sensitive I become
I find myself becoming hurt too easily
and for no reason at all
Sometimes you do something completely normal
but it might not include me
and I feel so slighted
I appear cold to you
but really I am just hurt
Please bear with me during these times
and understand that I am not trying
to put pressure on you
It is just that my love for you
has made me extremely vulnerable
and though I don’t like feeling hurt so easily
love has opened up for me
a new sense of awareness
of myself and of other people
I thank you deeply for bringing out
the new depths of emotions
that I now feel
and I thank you deeply for
being the person whom all
these beautiful and intense
feelings of love
are for.
-Susan Polis Schutz

Getting Through the Hard Times

Is Part of What Love Is All About

Do you remember when we first met?

Do you remember how close we were,

and how much we loved being together?

It was as if we could conquer the world --

Just the two of us.

I wish sometimes that we could

feel that way more often,

We seem to have drifted apart,

So much has happened to us since we first met.

Our lives were simple back then;

now we have many responsibilities.

We've been through a lot of changes.

Yet one thing has never changed --

my lov for you.

Somehow everything else doesn't seem

as overwhelming as long as you're here

changing and growing with me.

So even in these times when things seem harder;

I think we can take comfort in knowing

that we'll make it with the help of

that very same love that brought us together

not so very long ago.

- Jennifer Nelson-Fenwick

It Isn't always Easy to Be in a Relationship

...but there's no place I'd rather be than in love with you

It's not always easy

to be what we want to be for one another.

Sometimes it's difficult to keep our relatinship

growing and moving in new directions,

instead of feeling too much the same,

day after day.

Sometimes we struggle for an understanding

of one another's feelings; of what it means

to be in a relationship; of how to find

some kind of fulfillment as individuals;

and how to bring ourselves together

to make one better union.

It isn't always easy.

But what matters to me

is that we're trying.

Sure we have questions.

But i can't tell you how much it means

when we search for the answers...together.

To my way of thinking, that's the second

most important thing we can do.

The first is for you to keep on

believing in me,

the way i will always

believe in you.

That's how love works.

And I do love you.

-Alin Austin

I Wish We Could

Spend More Time Together --

Just the Two of Us

The times we spend alone with each other

are so important to me,

and when we don't have those times,

there's a feeling of loneliness

that seems to touch

every part of my life.

You are the only one that

I always want to be with

and whom i never tire of.

The time we take just for us

always adds a new dimension to our love

and strengthens the closeness between us

that I treasure.

Without our special times,

my life seems like an empty shell

and my heart is a weak and lonely place.

I love being with you,

and i never want to be without

everything we share.

- Linda Sackett-Morrison

If I Sometimes

Hold On to You

Too Tightly...

It Is Only Because

I Love You So Much

If I want to take up a lot of your time,

it is because your presence

gives me so much pleasure.

if i worry about you too much,

It is my own fear

of losing the one i truly love.

If i don't want to share you

with anyone else,

it is because my heart wants

to be with only you.

If my eyes see only you,

and my heart holds room for

no one else...

It is only because I love you

so much.

-Nancy A. Prunty

Will You Meet Me Halfway?

Will you meet me halfway

on the road back to understanding

as we try to overcome the tension

and the silence?

As we recall all that we were in better days gone by.

As we try to capture all those loving feelings

that seem so distant now.

As we try once mor eto cement

the bond of our love

so fragile and so young.

As we try one more time to heal our pain

and disappointment.

I will meet you more than halfway,

if you will meet me halfway.

-Tim Connor

As Much As I Love You,

I Still Need to Be Alone Sometimes

Sometimes i just need

a little space to myself:

a little room to breathe,

a time set apart just for me.

It isn't that I don't love you,

because I do.

Sometimes I just need

to be alone for a while,

so i can recharge myself

and become a better person.

it is no reflection on you

or on our love;

it's just that some solitude

is necessary for me.

Sometimes I just need

to sit back and relax,

taking in all the things

that are happening in my world,

and sorting through

my feelings and thoughts.

Taking some time for myself

is as vital to me as breathing;

it keeps me going when stresses come.

Sometimes I just need to pull back,

to stand apart,

to focus on what is urgent.

itis at these times

that i most need you

and your understanding.

it is then that i need

a friend as well as a lover.

At these times. please know

that i still love you,

I still care,

and I want you to be happy.

it is just that I cannot

love you the right way

unless i love and take care

of myself, too.

- Donna Reames